------- Raising Scientists ------------

Pretty pretty bar graphs.

2011-08-24T07:27:00.002-04:00

Check out this article that summarizes a (very long) paper published in Social Psychology Quarterly designed to test the hypothesis that liberals are smarter then conservatives.

Oh wait. That isn't the hypothesis. The hypothesis as described by the author himself, is:

the Savanna-IQ Interaction Hypothesis (hereafter “The Hypothesis” in this blog) suggests that less intelligent individuals have greater difficulty than more intelligent people with comprehending and dealing with evolutionarily novel entities and situations that did not exist in the ancestral environment. "

Apparently since liberals are supposedly more willing to give money to support other humans* to whom they are not related, then liberals are more evolutionarily advanced and also more intelligent. (I wonder what Darwin would say about this?)

Unfortunately, the actual hypothesis has been lost in all the media hype, which I can only assume was intended. Who doesn't expect a lot of attention when publishing a paper explaining "Why liberals and atheists are more intelligent"?

I will confess that I have not read the original research article. I am not a psychologist and I am not familiar with the theories and data presented within the paper. However, a person doesn't have to know much about anything to see a bar graph like this one and not get a little bit concerned. I have done enough of my own research and tried to crunch my own data to know that things rarely, if ever, look this neat.

So a little searching led to this article, in which the methods used by the original author are examined and found to be seriously lacking.

As much as this whole topic gets my blood boiling, the idea that someone thinks they can prove that liberals or conservatives are really genetically or intellectually superior is not what upsets me the most. The most glaring issue is that the bar graph which seems to so convincingly support the apparent (if not actual) hypothesis is completely made up! The bar graph shows Mean adolescent intelligence (IQ) versus Adult Political Ideology, but the author never actually measured IQ!

If any of my students ever tried to present their data by claiming it represented some value that it didn't represent, I would give them an F or make them rewrite it. This highlights in the best possible way the importance of presenting your data clearly and being completely transparent about the methods. No matter how much you believe your own hypothesis, you have to represent the data with as little 'spin' as possible. Yes, I know, we all try to make the data support our hypothesis. Of course we do. But we all know that we all do it, and that is why as a graduate student we spend so much time learning how to read other research papers, examining the data and drawing our own conclusions.

Figure 1: Here is a graph representing data I wish were true. Nom nom nom, I'll go buy stock in Reese's!

In all fairness, if I had read the whole paper and if I understood these kinds of analysis and if I knew all the jargon and if I was familiar with current research on social evolution and/or the Savannah Principle, perhaps I would have concluded myself that this data was flawed and moved on. However, I, like many of us I suspect, am not informed on any of the above topics, but I do like to be able to look at a nice pretty graph and see the data and make my own interpretation. So I guess that is what the author gave me.

*and that isn't even true, either. Although I'm sure the data in this study is also flawed in some way. Which just proves the point, which is, you cannot take these things too seriously!

PS: If you would like to look at some completely fabricated data, and also get a very good laugh, check out the pie charts presented here.

One more reason we need open access.

2009-11-13T21:22:00.000-05:00

I needed to get some information about methods from one of my older papers. I was at SLU, which has limited journal access.

I couldn't get the full print version of my own article.

Where I jump right in to the middle of it all.

2009-10-26T11:43:00.001-04:00

Apparently there is a shoe war going on. I feel compelled to put my two cents in since I love shoes. I love shoes so much that I refuse to pick a side, mostly because I actually like all of the shoes of the week, yes, even Dr. Isis's teal plaid pump. Heels are all well and good, but sometimes I need speed and maneuverability. Flats are good, but there are those occasions when I really need a sneaker. But who wants to wear a plain old running shoe? Not me. God knows I don't need them for running, since I avoid doing that. I need to keep up with a four and a six year old who might be fast, relatively speaking, but since their stride length is so much shorter then mine I don't need any real physical ability to keep up with them.

Since I spent a little while the other day designing my own shoe, I thought I'd share my creation. It's simple with just a bit of flash; and so what if it is a zebra print? Is there something wrong with that? Plus, I love the white racing stripe down the sidewall. And then there is this: remember back in junior high when you wore your shoes without laces? Well, these shoes are meant to be worn that way. Plus, it is just too darn cool that you can design your own. So without any further preamble, here it is:

Chuck Taylor all star slip on canvas shoe. Custom designed at Converse.com. $62.00

I don't really care if you like it, because I think it is absolutely awesome. These are mine. If you want em, go make your own.

Update: We are all getting sucked in to this debate. Who knew we had so much to say about shoes (or socks)?

Office etiquette

2009-10-15T14:31:00.005-04:00

As I mentioned recently, I now have an office at work. I was debating how much time I would spend there, instead of at home in my more convenient home office. I do have to show up occasionally at work, so in the last few days I have begun to personalize my work space. As a result, I have realized that I enjoy being at "the office". However, in this short amount of time, I have already noticed a few things about sharing an office space.

On talking:

Some chatter is OK, but when people are obviously trying to get work done, please stop talking at them.
When I am grading papers and things are not looking good, I get grumpy and complain and make other noises; grunts, sighs of despair, curses, and the like. I have to tone this down when surrounded by other people who might be trying to focus instead of listen to me complain.
It is not appropriate to start commiserating about the general laziness and poor concentration of your students when a third person is trying to counsel… a student. We do not need witnesses to our bad mouthing.

On food and drink:

Hey, I have no problem with people eating and drinking in the office. I do it too. But when random people from within the building come to use our microwave, disrupting our work and leaving behind the fragrance of whatever lunch they were warming up, it is annoying.
Please do not steal my coke. I have put my name on it, because it belongs to me. I might need that caffeine soon.
Would it be inappropriate to bring in some wine, to help get me through this pile of papers I am grading? I'll share, if you'd like…

On environment:

We have absolutely no control over the climate. It was 40 degrees today, and raining, and we had no heat. My fingers were like little blocks of ice by the time I finally gave up and left. Please don't look at me funny if I am sitting at my desk with my jacket and ski hat on.
Please be considerate when decorating your space. The posters on the wall are behind you; I am the one facing them all the time.
Ask if you want to play music. I usually don't mind, but some people do. Plus, just because country music helps you think, doesn't mean it does good things for my thought process- it is either depressing or makes me want to get up and line dance. And forget about trying to discuss technical protocols with my students- who barely talk above a whisper to begin with- if loud music is playing in the background.

One thing I have noticed is that somehow everyone else scored a computer. My next project- now that I have an office- is to get it equipped. I have sent an email out to determine the probabilities of rating a computer. Yes, I have my laptop, but it is the point. I shouldn't have to provide my own computer, should I?

The scientific legacy.

2009-10-13T12:15:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had to sit in a crowded chapel, surrounded by friends, colleagues, and teachers, and listen as my PhD advisor gave a eulogy about one of his current graduate students.

I have listened to him speak at many occasions. There are the professional events, of course: meetings, seminars, dissertation defenses and the like. There are the social events: he has seen many of his lab through weddings and births. I just never imagined him presiding over a memorial. As I listened to him speak in such glowing terms about this student I was touched by how much of a measure of a persons character it is to be able to rise to such an occasion and meet it with such dignity and courage. As he shared some thoughtful stories about his student, I remembered back to my years in his lab. The traditions that have become established started with the first of us, and I was happy to know that they continue. The spaces that I walked are now occupied by a new group, yet I was among the first. The experiments that are being done now developed out of work that started when I was one of just a few in a new, small but growing research lab. For a little while last night I once again felt myself to be part of this growing yet close knit community.

When I moved on to my post doc lab, I didn't move far: across the street and up a floor. Yet, in an effort to look forward, I tried to distance myself a little from my graduate lab, and over the years that distance has seemed to grow. As I reconnected with everyone I realized that my 'distance' is only imaginary and that you never really leave. I realized that I may have moved on, but I left behind a part of me; a small legacy. I was humbled. I was proud. I was filled with nostalgia, and I was filled with a desire to work harder; to strive for greater successes.

Perhaps that is the measure of a good advisor. Even in the face of tragedy he has made me feel welcome, he has made me feel worthy, and he has motivated me to move forward. And I am reminded of why I 'do' science: to find something new, yes; to 'make the world better', yes; and to leave a little of myself behind.
Every time someone references one my publications, I know I have succeeded. And so, every time I author a paper, I will do so in honor of those who taught me. I will do do in honor of those who follow me. I will do so in memory of those who are now silent, but always present.

Home Office/ Work Office

2009-10-08T10:25:00.003-04:00

It's a room slightly larger then my home office. It is equipped with 7 desks, 14 chairs, a single file cabinet, dorm size fridge, and microwave. One of the 7 desks is fully occupied by a busy 'part' time professor; two of the others have lonely "In" boxes and one of them has an empty vase sitting depressingly right in the middle of it. Despite the air of neglect, the desks have been claimed; I didn't hasten to claim mine and ended up with one of the less desirable: right near the door. The door has various notes with "Prof. so and so's Office hours" taped to it, and supposedly can be opened with my new key- although I haven't yet tried.

I have always wanted one, and now I have it: my own office. Quite clearly, it is not my OWN office, because I have to share; but it is MY office in the sense that no one uses that desk but me.

Yes, no one uses that desk but me: and now that I have one, I have to use it. I was instructed to start holding regular office hours. The downfall of getting what you wished for, is all the string that are attached.

I have a very nice home office. The question becomes: do I really want to spend all my time in my work office? A few hours here and there are required; probably will be useful, my students do need me. But how much effort should I invest in setting up a comfortable work space?

Yesterday was my first official Office Hours. I did get visits from three of my students, and got a stack of papers graded. Even more importantly, though, I met a few faculty that I had heard of by name only, before; one of them seems like she will be a good friend; I conferenced with another regarding my difficulties with my current class. She apparently had the same problems in previous years- (phew, it isn't me after all). And I met a few other part timers from other departments. What this means is that I am no longer on the fringe; I am taking my first baby steps right into the middle of it all.

For that reason, I think I should utilize the work office more. Put up a photo; get my own "In" box, and put something in it; perhaps get a desk lamp. But… like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home." Where am I now? My home office. Where will I be most of the time? My home office. The cat is on my lap, my coffee is hot, and I can fold laundry in between grading papers and putting together lectures.

The information age?

2009-10-07T10:47:00.002-04:00

I gave two extra credit questions on my 15 point quiz yesterday:

(2 pts) Who won the Nobel Prize for Medicine this year?
(2 pts) Why did they win?

I got only two responses. Neither were correct.

That’s why I try not to go into lab on a Sunday.

2009-10-05T10:23:00.008-04:00

It never turns out well.

I went in to SLU yesterday to check on my students plates, and, if everything looked as well as I expected, to take the first timepoint.

Stop right there and review that last sentence. Do you see what my mistake was? You might say it was "going in to SLU yesterday". You might say "doing the timepoints for the students". I wouldn't necessarily disagree. But the real mistake was that I expected everything to look good.

Things did not look good. They looked quite bad. One after the other I found contamination, plates that weren't labeled, plates that didn't appear to have anything in them… so after I ended up throwing out ¾ of the plates, I began to wonder: are they all really not getting it? Or… is it me? I mean, I knew some of them were having difficulty, but I though some were OK. But the evidence was to the contrary. As I see it, there are three possibilities:

1. I am a bad teacher.
2. My students are not coming to class prepared.
3. The experiment is flawed.

Let's work through each possibility:

1. I am a bad teacher. According to my TA I'm going over and above what has been done in previous semesters. I give my students detailed protocols; I describe visually the protocol; and I demonstrate for them how to do it. I am covering all different learning styles. Plus, I've gotten positive reviews from other classes I've taught and student I've mentored. That still doesn't necessarily rule out this possibility, but it does seem to indicate that the shortages aren't on my end.

2. My students are not coming to class prepared. Well, that is true. I am racking my brain to come up with a way to combat this particular problem, and would welcome any suggestions. However, even so, once they get to class they have everything they need to complete the experiment, so while this fact is annoying it shouldn't necessarily result in such a catastrophe of having to discard 75% of the work.

3. The experiment is flawed. I know it isn't inherently flawed because it has been done before, successfully. However, I haven't done it recently, and I haven't done it at SLU, so perhaps this possibility should be explored further. I decided to take some cells from my TA and set up the experiment myself- just to make sure that it could be done. My TA kept protesting that she would do it, but you know the saying… if you want it done right, do it yourself.

I would have preferred to start from scratch, but I didn't have time to make media. So I took her media and filtered it, and went to get all the dishes and supplies I needed. It was actually a useful learning experience for me, since I had never personally used the TC facilities at SLU, having imported all my cells from MRU where I do my research, and handing them directly to the TA who has been maintaining them since. So I'm gathering all the supplies, and that is when I noticed that the 12 well plates that the class had used for the growth curves were collagen coated. F*** f*** f*** f*** f***. I don't know for sure, having never actually directly compared, but I have a feeling that this is perhaps some of the reason the cells are not growing well and do not look right. I am extremely angry about this for several reasons.

>It will, no matter what, screw up the results. Hopefully not badly enough that my class won't still learn something.
>My TA didn't notice, when I asked her to find 12 well TC plates, that the box was labeled, in big letters, "COLLAGEN". Or, perhaps, she didn't realize it was important.
>I didn't notice it during class, when everyone was plating their cells.
>I'm not sure if I should be mad at myself- for not specifically checking to make sure these were the correct plates. But really, who would think that there would be collagen coated plates, and not plain old TC plates, in the supply closet? SLU has not much money, and I would never expect them to have the more expensive plates just laying around up for grabs.

At the end of the day, it is nobody's fault but my own. I have relied too heavily on my TA, and on protocols supplied to me by past-professors of the course. It is good that I am in there, getting my hands dirty, so to speak. I am turning over a new leaf. It took a Sunday visit to the lab for me to realize just how bad things were, but the semester is still young.

Explore all the possibilities.

2009-10-02T22:19:00.004-04:00

I took five years off after graduating college. Well, that is a misleading statement; it wasn't like I was doing anything fun or wild or irresponsible. I worked for half that time as a research assistant, trying to decide if I liked it enough to pursue a PhD or MD; and the other half I spent working in the family business.

Interestingly enough, it wasn't my time in science that convinced me that I wanted to be a scientist; it was my time away from it. I actually missed it. And so even though I had gotten out, I had made my escape… I found myself begging graduate schools to "please take me back!" At first, when they did, I felt smug: I was older and wiser then my classmates and therefore more confident (arrogant?). But as the years have passed I have begun to wonder… what if I hadn't come back? And, did I ever really leave? Did I ever really allow myself the possibility of pursuing a different path?

The honest answer is… no. Ever since I was five and I declared to my uncle that I was going to find a cure for cancer, I have been working towards that goal. It sounds cliché, but it is the truth. My path was always laid out in front of me, and even when I supposedly "took time" to "find myself", all I really did was find a detour that led me straight back to where I'd started… just a few years behind.

Now I find myself faced with a new fork in the road. I am looking for tenure track faculty positions, yes, but I am looking at places that are not research institutions. I am looking at places where my primary responsibility is not to do research, but to teach. GASP! To many of my classmates and colleagues- and, even more accurately (ironically enough), to many of my own teachers- this might seem like I am settling. That I am not realizing my full potential. That I am giving up. But, given the chance to find my own path before and not taking it, I realize now that there are still so many forks in the road, and I have to go in the direction that will lead to my own sense of fulfillment.

So I continue to move forward. I like what I am doing, I do. But… I still wonder. What if I had started college as an "undecided"? Where would I be today? And I realize that as much as I want to train good scientists, the one thing I really hope to teach all my students is… to explore all the possibilities.

Too late and too neat.

2009-10-01T10:50:00.005-04:00

One of the classes I am teaching is a master's level lecture/lab class all rolled into one five hour session per week. It is quite a challenge to fit the lab into that time frame, not because 5 hours isn't enough time, but because the class only meets once per week. When planning the syllabus, I thought five hours would be plenty of time, and I arranged it so that the class would be finished in time for me to get my daughter off the school bus. Well, I was being naïve. The first class went over by half an hour; the second class went over by an hour, and the third class went over by 3 hours. Three hours! Not because I took too long; in fact, on week 3 I only gave a very brief lecture in which I went into extreme detail about the day's exercises. I wrote out a summary, explained it verbally, and demonstrated what was to be done. And yet it still took 8 hours. For some perspective, if I had to do that particular technique, it would have taken me 20 minutes.

At 2:30- which is when the class is supposed to end- one of the student came up to me to clarify the details of the protocol. This was five hours into the class, when I expected everyone to be done. He hadn't even started. I have no idea what he was doing for that whole five hours; he looked busy; but busy doing what?

As frustrating and tiring as that was, the real worry for me is that this week 3 exercise was just setting up our cell cultures for week 4. Just plating the cells. Nothing else. My students will have to plate their cells every week, and do the experiment as well. How am I possibly going to get it done? I am more than a little bit concerned.

The other problem I have is with the laboratory notebook. They are using lab notebooks that have duplicate pages, and hand in the pages from that day at the end of lab each day. My problem is that the pages are too neat. I know, as I am working with them, that they don't always get the calculations right the first time. Yet I don't see this in their notebook. Often I see them taking notes on scraps of paper, and then copying into their lab notebooks at the end of the day (which kept me 20 minutes late, week 2). I have told them that under no circumstance are they to do this; that I want them to write everything directly into the lab notebook, that it has to be legible but not pretty. They will each hand in formal reports as they finish each experiment; the lab notebook, as we all know, is a record of their progress, but not a formal presentation of the data. And yet they are fixated on the neatness factor. They protest "But I don't have the results yet!" Last week I crumpled up and threw away one girls' notes. This week I fear that I am going to have to be even more dramatic; I am going to forbid any other notebooks or papers in class, and I am going to have to tell them I will deduct points each time I see them writing on scrap papers. They are always asking "How many points is this worth?" of "Is this on the quiz" (Which is an irritating question because as I have told them over and over… there are no quizzes. To me it is more important they get the technique and understand how to interpret the data.), so this tactic should make an impression.

Sigh.

Fun (?) gadgets.

2009-09-23T12:37:00.001-04:00

I allow my students to email me their assignments. Many of them choose this option, not because they are environmentally conscious paper conserving earth helpers, but because they are apparently incapable of reading the syllabus or listening when I warn them in advance of assignment due dates. My policy is that if I receive the document before the end of the day, then I will not mark it late. This makes me feel generous, and it makes them not fail the class. It is a win-win situation.

But sometimes it is actually quite tedious to have to grade digital documents; and I really hate to have to print them all myself. One day I was browsing at Staples and I saw the Wacom bamboo fun digital pen tablet, and my imagination immediately ran away with me. Oh the possibilities! I could write comments as if I was using a pen a paper! I could slash those digital documents apart with the same gusto that I use my red ball point pen! And then, I could use it to draw and edit photos... what fun!!!

I am not one to buy things spur of the moment, not these kinds of technological things; so I went home and did some research and found out that it was a pretty nifty device- not the most high tech version, but probably sufficient for someone like me. So I went back and bought one.

That was a week ago. Since then, I've been trying to get it to work. The problem is that I can't install it on the laptop I use for my classes- it belongs to the school and I don't have the appropriate priveleges; and I just haven't had time to go to the help desk and get them to do it. In the meantime I installed it on my personal computer and have begun to play with it. I was so excited; but after a couple of hours, I am losing my enthusiasm. It doesn't quite work the way I imagined; writing with the pen seems a bit awkward. Perhaps practice will make perfect; I don't know. I just haven't had the time.

So, the assignments languish in my inbox. I will not grade them until I get this damn thing working. It is so disappointing. I had such high expectations. Sigh.

Not silent, never silent.

2009-09-14T13:20:00.003-04:00

The blogosphere is a quiet presence; so a moment of silence for Annie Le isn't the best way to honor her memory. We all know people like her, or were like her ourselves: a graduate student just settling in to her dissertation research, with so many plans for her future- her future career, her future with her fiance, her future with her friends. She was just going about a normal day, carrying on research, and was tragically, brutally silenced forever.

What we can do to honor Annie is to educate. Educate the public as to the difference between a PhD student and a Med student. Educate the public as to the reality of life in a research lab: the research might be 'cutthroat' but that isn't quite as violent as it sounds. Many of us are open and collaborative, not closed and secretive. Educate the public that most students have very healthy normal relationships with their professors. Educate the press that women can be professors too, and we don't all look like the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds. Educate the press to the fact that Annie was a very typical graduate student; attractive, vivacious, stylish. Let us not be quiet, let us be heard.

And we can pray that the guilty person is brought to justice quickly.

Right out of CSI

2009-09-11T17:10:00.001-04:00

Things are going on around here that I wish I could blog about, but I just can't. Let's just say that I will forever remember this day...

(content deleted)

On a lighter note, my personalized lab coat was noticed, with envy, by some of my colleagues. However, since my boss had to buy her own, too, I don't think they'll reimburse me any time soon. Ah well, it still made me feel more 'official'. Good thing, since my students probably think I am some sort of criminal suspect...

I feel special.

2009-09-10T12:59:00.000-04:00

My new lab coat just arrived via UPS. I've never bought a lab coat for myself before, I mean, with my own money. Usually I just go down to the stock room and throw one in my shopping basket if I need a new one. But now I am teaching a lab class at SLU, and needed a lab coat. There is not a stockroom at SLU, so I ordered one. While I was at it, I had it personalized. Some of my colleagues have personalized lab coats, having been gifted one for various reasons. I never did- it wasn't something that was done at my grad school. The degree was enough.

But now that I have one, it makes me feel special. All for $14.95.

Which I will try and get reimbursed. It would make me feel more special if I didn't have to buy it for myself.

Decision made.

2009-09-07T11:22:00.001-04:00

I canceled the late night class. It turns out that one student was dropping the class anyway.

Whoo-hoo, I get three more days to prepare.

Damn, that means I have to pick up a class in the spring.

What to do, what to do?

2009-09-06T20:00:00.003-04:00

So I do have to cancel one of my sections, and combine them into one. The question is... which do I keep? Which do I cancel?

One is at night- going until rather late into the night- and one is during the day.

The day time section fits my schedule such that I can get my girls to school/ daycare; go to class; and then get home in time to get them home from school/ daycare.

The night time section requires me to make alternative arrangements for childcare; also, it goes late into the night, rather past my bedtime.

Guess which section I'd rather cancel?

So what is the problem? One student. There is one student who is part time and is possibly not available to come in during the day. Canceling the night time section could cause major problems for that student.

But, there are other classes. However, this masters level class is part of a masters program that originally started out as an evening program for part timers; so it is sort of a policy to keep evening classes available. However, everyone else is actually a full time student and can come during the day. Plus, there aren't other classes on that day that would cause scheduling conflicts for them (we all use the same lab, so that prevents any overlap!) And who knows, maybe this one student could come during the day, too.

... so do I just say screw it and cancel the evening class and let that one student fend for themself?

If I don't decide soon I won't be able to notify them in time to make sure they all know to come (or not) at the correct time!

I emailed this student to ask them to contact me ASAP; but seeing as they haven't responded to my other emails, and this is a holiday weekend, I don't hold high hopes for hearing from them in time.

Won't someone just make the decision for me, the one that I want, so that I don't have to feel guilty over screwing over this one student?

Identity crisis...

2009-09-01T09:27:00.002-04:00

I used to work with someone who had a name very very similar to mine. Eerily similar. Almost identical, except he was he and I was she and we were not the same person and not in any way related, my clan being of Sicilian heritage and his of Southern Italian. Most definitely not related. (Methinks he doth protest too much?). He left a few years ago to pursue bigger and better things and that was the end of that. Or so I thought.

Lately, he has been haunting me in absentia. My keycard access and parking were turned off because I was mistaken for him. Oddly, I was in my parking lot when my keypass was disabled, leaving my unable to get out. A quite frustrating conundrum, one that found me contemplating the height of the curb and the clearance of my undercarriage. (Had I driven my husbands pick up truck that day it would have been no problem). (I ended up calling the parking office and taking fifteen minutes to explain that I and he were two different people. )

It isn't just here, though; he haunts me OUT THERE, too. I applied for a position at his alma mater, and his name came up. My new part time position is at the place where he did his masters degree, and so of course his name came up. I went through the same old conversation: Haha, yes, that is funny. No, no we are not related.

Then I found out that he has recently been hired as an Assistant Professor. At (small local college).

I interviewed for that job.

I was number 3.

Apparently, he was number 1.

!!!!

I was upset when I didn't get the job, although now I am glad because bigger and better opportunities have come my way (that is right, I'll just keep telling myself that). I always thought he'd be a great teacher, and I can see that he is well qualified for the position, and I do wish him well.

But still. Do I think he is a better teacher then I? Do I think he is more qualified then I?

Perhaps this small local college was confused. Perhaps they mistook he for I. After all, it has happened before...

Jumping through hoops... and tripping.

2009-08-31T19:06:00.001-04:00

I was hired as a part time professor in the graduate program at SLU.

My course load during the fall was sufficient that I knew I couldn't also keep up my part time post-doc. My PI generously suggested I take a leave of absence and return next semester.

I had to also rearrange my course load at PUI, where I adjunct; the powers that be generously let me switch around my sections to fit into my new schedule at SLU.

I have been getting ready for class at SLU, signing on to blackboard, getting my course materials ready. Anxiously checking my roster to see how many students I had to work with. As of Friday, one section had 5 and the other had only 1 student; however, enrollment is this week so I wasn't worried.

Today I got a call from the director. If enrollment doesn't perk up, they will have to cancel one of my classes, and I'll have to pick up a class in the spring to make up for it.

I rearranged my life to make this part time position fit... and now it might be for naught.

Ugh.

Change is in the air.

2009-08-28T11:43:00.001-04:00

Yes, I am feeling overwhelmed. I have 11 days until my first class and I am still writing up my syllabus and planning out our weekly labs. Four of those days are weekends, and it is impossible to get anything done on weekends; one of those days is a holiday, and two of those days are in the 'before day care starts but after nanny leaves' category. That leaves 4 days to get it all done.

I should include today but I have a different set of tasks for today: clean up my desk, clean off my bench, and get all my notes organized in lab. I am taking a leave of absence from my post-doc* for the fall, while I focus on teaching. When I finally do come back I want to be able to remember what I was doing and to find my lab books and frozen stocks and solutions, etc (assuming no one else lays their hands on all those things). It's weird. Last time I had to plan for an extended absence was just before I gave birth; since I didn't know exactly when that would happen, as my due date approached I would write up a detailed 'to-do' list before I left work each day, just in case… (Truthfully, I only had to do this once each pregnancy. In both cases, I left work Friday night thinking "this weekend will be it" and Saturday morning, I woke up and went into labor.)

I am excited to get a break from the bench and focus on teaching, even for a little while. I hope when I come back I'll be able to jump right back into work.

*As of October 1 I think I officially outgrow the title "post-doc". Last time my PI had to introduce me to someone (a post-doc candidate, as a matter of fact) he was puzzled as to what to call me. "This is Tina, a- er, um, ah- senior researcher in the lab."

On syllabus design: part 1, laboratory exercises.

2009-08-11T14:02:00.005-04:00

I'm getting ready to teach my first class at SLU. It is my first experience working completely independently to teach a class, and there is so much work that goes into it.

First, of course, I have to design the syllabus. When I say design I mean two things: First, figure out what to teach, when. Second: literally type it up in a coherent format for distribution. These are two different things but both have to be done well, and they are providing me with quite a challenge.

To be honest, though, I am not starting completely from scratch. This is a course that has been taught before, and I have several years worth of old course materials as a resource. I started with the old syllabi and tried to revamp them completely. The problem is that as a lab course, with experiments that will run over multiple days or even weeks, fitting everything in is like putting together a puzzle. I was advised to keep out one or two exercises that were often problematic to execute, always confusing to understand, and not really integral to the goals of the class. Seemed like good advice, so I eliminated those. I was also advised not to add anything new: leave the vacancy; give myself some breathing room my first semester out. Seemed like good advice, so I decided to reorder the remaining exercises. The next challenge has to do with budget: there isn't much of one. I can't start introducing all these newfangled techniques when we don't have the reagents or equipment for them.

The question becomes, then: How do I revamp an old class with very little money and a very limited number of ways to achieve the goals set out in the course description? I have been working on this puzzle for two weeks now, and have finally come to the conclusion that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I have just taken last years' syllabus, added my name and contact info to the top, and retitled it for Fall 09.I have realized that I can update the class by focusing on the lectures and assignments, and leaving the labs alone.

I'm not done yet, though. That was only one fourth of the overall syllabus. Next topic for discussion: deciding what kinds of assignments to give, and how much each assignment will be worth.

On your mark, get set…

2009-07-10T12:47:00.001-04:00

I had my first meeting yesterday at my new university, where I will be working- for the next year at least- as a part time faculty member. I have an 18 credit load, which in my case translates into 3 lab classes. I have found an old syllabus online, but that is as far as my preparation has gone. I haven't received an official offer, I haven't been authorized in the school's intranet, blackboard, email… I feel like I am still floating in a cloud and I was looking forward to going to this meeting and being pulled back down to earth.

Yeaaahhhhh… still floating.

They are still doing a background check so I didn't get to sign any paperwork. I was given a quick tour of the labs and lecture halls- I had seen this before but this time, knowing what I would be teaching, I looked for specific equipment. I met my TA. I have a TA! Two, in fact! (what do I do with my TA? I've never had a TA before, and I am perfectly happy to delegate, but how much are these particular people capable of handling?) And they told me I should start ordering supplies now, because sometimes it takes a while for them to come in. Then they paused, looking expectant, and I thought: am I supposed to come up with a list right now?

The general sense of confusion that is apparent in that conversion pretty well sums up the whole afternoon. I went in with a large number of questions, but not only did I not get a chance to ask most of them, I also walked out with two hundred or so more.

However, I did get a CD from the previous course instructor with all of his notes and lectures, and I arranged to meet with him next week. I do feel that I am now prepared to start preparing; I know the workspace and expectations, I have the syllabus and old course documents. I need to look it all over and figure out what I am doing, and once I get the all clear from HR I will begin the work. Phew. How exciting!

What did you expect when you put it out there for everyone to see?

2009-07-08T21:11:00.005-04:00

In reference to this article in the current issue of Nature; and in particular this:

"Certain corners of the Internet have been erupting in argument in the past weeks following an announcement by Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory in New York that it will henceforth require scientists who blog to ask the permission of presenters before firing up computers or mobile phones and publicizing their findings."

I'm sorry, but I thought that once you presented your data publicly- even if 'only' at a poster session at a conference somewhere- it was, well- public. If it is interesting, it will generate discussion. I mean really, your biggest competitors are probably at the conference with you. By virtue of the fact that you are presenting your data, aren't you giving people permission to discuss it?

(Also, can I ask, which corners of the internet? How did I miss this? I gotta get my head out of the clouds.)

(One more thing. I shamefacedly admit that I didn't find this article because I was reading through the Nature eTOC's. I found it because I was looking through my blogroll. Thanks, Cath.)

If it was that easy to get a diploma, why did I waste 5.5 years in grad school?

2009-07-08T10:46:00.001-04:00

Terra Chamberlain [aloe9@simplicity.com] sent me an email today:

GET YOUR DIPLOMA TODAY!If you are looking for a fast and effective way to get a diploma,(non accredited) this is the best way out for you. Provide us with degree you are interested in. Call us right now on: For US: 1.845.709.8044 Outside US: +1.845.709.8044 "Just leave your NAME & PHONE NO. (with CountryCode)" in the voicemail.

Our staff will get back to you in next few days!

'Non accredited'. Really? In that case, I can go print myself lots of diplomas. Maybe that'll be my new wallpaper in my office.

I didn’t get the job, but they hired me anyway.

2009-07-01T14:14:00.002-04:00

A few weeks ago I spent a great deal of time preparing for my interview and my presentation, and I though all went very well. I was extremely disappointed when, two weeks later, I got the rejection letter.

Then I found out there was an internal candidate. Need I say more?

Why, yes, in fact, I do. Because it doesn't end there. However, as this is my future employer, this post will not be a rant, rather, it will be a celebration. Long and short, I have been hired part time for the next year and- if all goes well- full time for the year after.

The greatest irony is that the first class I am teaching will be on cell culture.

Maybe I'll learn something useful.

Cell culture woes.

2009-06-24T13:41:00.004-04:00

From ATCC, T47D breast cancer cells grown in culture.

For my non-scientist readers some background:

Many of us use cells that we grow in special little dishes for our research. These can be different types of cells that are isolated from different organisms. They can be healthy 'normal' cells (although they aren't exactly normal, since they are growing in a dish in a lab somewhere and not in their natural environment- the body). I use cancer cell lines, which means someone at some point took a tumor out of a patient, isolated the cancerous cells, and those tumor cells have been happily growing in our labs ever since. A primary cell line is one that has been very recently isolated- days old. Established cell lines have been growing for years or even decades. Some of these cancer cell lines have survived long past the patient. The T47D breast cancer cell line shown in the picture above was isolated sometime before 1980, and perhaps even as early as 1974. This technique of cell culture is a well established practice, but that doesn't mean it is foolproof. Cells in culture don't always behave the way you want or expect them to, and that can be very frustrating. Case in point:

I work with a lot of different 'primary' –oma cell lines. I use the word 'primary' with some caution, because although our manager of the tissue culture facility goes down to the OR once or twice a week to get new tumors from which to establish these cells, by the time I get them they are really at a passage past the point that qualifies them for still being primary, yet they aren't immortalized either. This is significant because although they do continue to grow for some time, at any unpredictable and random point in time they will reach a crisis and just up and die. It has nothing to do with passage number; and the frustrating thing about it is that they all seem to die at the same time. I will come in one day having plated mass quantities of cells in preparation for big experiment, and lo and behold all my cells are dead.

This has happened to me several times, and I am quite frustrated about it because it makes my progress on this project sporadic and sloooooooooooooooooooow. Several of us are working with these cell lines, each investigating our own angle, and this happens to each of us, but each at different points. I can rule out equipment failures, I can rule out media problems. It isn't contamination. It isn't that they are overgrowing, because that will actually cause this same problem so I am meticulous to the point of being anal about preventing that particular phenomenon. I have been doing tissue culture for 16 years now, and this is the first time I've had this problem, and it is driving me batty. My only other option is mycoplasma, so I am testing for that now, but even treatment with Ciprofloxacin doesn't help.

It makes me want to give up. I am incredibly discouraged. My PI keeps telling me not to wait for the cells, but since all of my experiments hinge on having these cells to work with, I don't really think there is any other option. Grrr. Meanwhile, I'm a cell miser. I don't throw anything away; I'll freeze the cell pellets, or freeze lysates at -80 and stock them away for future use. It isn't my favorite way to work, but at this point, it is the only way. Sigh. Maybe it is time to find a new model system. I'm thinking zebrafish.

Discrimination in different forms.

2009-06-21T22:06:00.000-04:00

To some extent our gender will always affect our work; that isn't sexism, that is life. My husband didn't have to carry around 30 extra pounds, run to the bathroom every hour, or modify his work practices to avoid exposure of our unborn baby to hazardous chemicals or radioactive substances. He didn't have to write detailed to-do lists at the end of every day just in case he went into labor that night, and he didn't have to stay out of work for 6 weeks after finally giving birth. He didn't have to drive to work exhausted after being woken three times during the night to breastfeed an infant, and then stop what he was doing twice a day to go pump. As much as we might not want them to, these things do impact your career. And that, right there, is the problem; not that they impact your career, but that we don't accept that they will.

The fact is, when I was a technician and then a graduate student, there were very few women in tenure track faculty positions at my university. As a technician, I worked for the only female faculty member in the whole department. The whole OB/GYN department! While I was there she was undergoing all sorts of hormone treatments in an ultimately futile attempt to get pregnant- she had put it off until it was too late. Later, as a graduate student in a different department, things were a little bit better. There was not one, but two female faculty. Neither of them had children.

All of the married men did.

However, in my class, in my department, there were only female students. In our program as a whole, the majority were female. That is a trend that has continued. My graduate lab had a male PI… and the rest of us were female. My current post-doc lab finds itself in the same situation. In a way, that is hopeful; so many women being trained, some of them must succeed. The problem is this: the reason there were no men was because they all went out and got jobs.

The women, though equally talented, had more to worry about: their spouse's career; the extra time it took to have children; geographical limitations. It's nice to say "don't let these things impact your career choices" but the reality is that they do. I'm sure I would have a faculty job right now, maybe not at Major Research University, but certainly at Small Liberal Arts College… if I was willing to move. But I'm not. And I still have to reassure myself that That is OK. I am driven; I do long for success; I applaud those who have achieved it; but don't denigrate me for the sacrifices I chose to make. Because it is a sacrifice.

The hardest thing about it is not looking at it as a failure. It's not that I have failed to get a job… it is that I have succeeded to make a Home.

The other kind of discrimination that really gets to me, and no one talks about, is career discrimination: the idea that of these alternative careers (by which I mean, anything other than a full time tenure track position at MRU) is really just the backup when you fail to get a 'real' job. When I tell my PI "I made the top four for this faculty position at small college" and he responds with the completely unenthusiastic "Oh. Well, it's too bad you'll be leaving science now", I cringe. Gender discrimination stinks, but career discrimination affects us all. We need to understand that there are many different definitions of success; we need to embrace our strengths and let them take us to the best path for ourselves. We need to understand what it takes to be a successful scientist/mother, and then define that as success. Then the guilt and strings will stop holding us back, and we can be free to work on removing those gender gaps.

I’ll take a grande with a shot, please.

2009-05-21T13:11:00.003-04:00

At 1:00 yesterday, completely by accident, I realized that it was my turn to present a paper at journal club at 9:00 today. I decided to present something that was interesting, different and uncomplicated, seeing as I had only two hours to prepare. This is what I found: the best excuse ever for going to have that extra cup of coffee. It will prevent skin cancer! The only way that this is related to my research is if you apply the six degrees of separation rule. Productive use of my time? Puh-lease! But I'm not the one who insists we sit in random journal club once a week*. Anyway, the authors, following up on some mouse work and some epidemiological studies, examined the effects of caffeine on apoptosis in UVB exposed keratinocytes, and conclude that caffeine pretreatment leads to an increase in apoptosis via ATR/ CHK1 signaling pathways. A dead cell can't cause cancer, so ergo caffeine is a good anti-cancer prophylaxis . Actually, when reading through the article, I think the whole point was to introduce a potential new specific inhibitor of Chk1 kinase; however, they never actually show that Chk1 is inhibited, so I'm not sure I am convinced.

The part that was really interesting? The fact that the journal had a press release detailing the study. How can I have been doing research for so many years and never realized that journals did this???? I guess I just always skipped that section. The "In the Press" section. So that is what that means… ahh, to do research that would get one In the Press. The mainstream press, that is.

We interrupt this daydream to move on to the point at hand: journal club is done, I drank my grande extra bold turbo coffee with extra cream and sugar, went to the bathroom three times, and now it is time to soak up some sun while I eat my lunch outside. Sunscreen? Nah. I'm good.

*yes yes, journal club can be informative. But 95% of the time it only serves to provide me with more time to sit and drink my coffee before it gets cold.

**as if I planned it, this was the PhD comic from today.

Holding pattern

2009-05-13T11:44:00.001-04:00

All of the candidate interviews are over. I had positive feedback from several members of the committee. They wanted to move forward quickly, "We'll be in touch within a week, or so" they said.

It has been a week and a half.

On Monday, I walked around with my cell phone in my pocket all day. It rang six times; and not a single one of those times was it 'them'. On Tuesday, I walked around with my cell phone in my lab coat pocket all day (no pockets in my pants). It did not ring a single time. Today I have my cell phone in my pocket again, and once again it is irritatingly, typically, silent.

Grr. If I get a decent offer, I will take it. This influences my daycare needs for the summer and for next school year; I don't want to sign up for anything or hire anyone until I can definitively map out the hours. Not to mention that in the meantime I have found out about another opening that I would be very well qualified for, even though it isn't the 'perfect' job. Still, it is a job, and I would enjoy it. I have pretty much my whole packet ready to go- it is at the point where I just have to tweak my cover letter and statements a little bit to fit the particular position. The issue is that I really don't want to ask for my three letters of recommendation if I am not going to need them.

So I wait. And wait. Each tick of the clock eats away at my confidence. I just want to know.

Scheduling a better interview.

2009-05-09T11:11:00.003-04:00

Phew, this week is over.

That was my first experience with a full blown interview for a faculty position; and even then it really wasn't full blown, as it was within driving distance of my house so I didn't have to fly out anywhere, stay overnight, and do the whole dinner thing.

Still, it was exhausting all the same. I felt good at the end of the day, though, and got some positive feedback; we will see if that results in an offer!

My presentation went very well, and ended up being exactly on target: a mini 'lecture' for the undergrads introducing the ideas behind my research, without actually going into details about my research. This position is first and foremost a teaching position: the research is important, but secondary. How do I know? Most obviously because the initial annual budget for research expenses is $4,000. !!! Anyway, that isn't the point here; the point of this post is to ask the question: why, when interviewing candidates for a teaching position, don't they schedule more time for interacting directly with the students? I was there for 8 hours, and only spent one of those hours interacting with the students; and really, three quarters of that hour was spent lecturing them (and trying to ignore the few that actually fell asleep). That left only a few minutes to talk with those who came up to me with questions. And yet, that was very important to me. I mean really, this was a two way interview: they want to see if I am the most qualified for the job, and I want to see if I would want to work there. Yes, I need to be able to work within the department, and yes I need to understand the structure and requirements of the position within the university as a whole. I do not belittle that aspect of the job; however, when so much of the day will be spend with and about students, shouldn't they be part of the process?

Ambiguous instructions

2009-05-02T14:45:00.004-04:00

OK. So here is the problem.

I am preparing my presentation for my interview on Monday. It is a small university. The application didn't even ask for a research statement, but a little birdy told me that they do want someone who will do research- with the undergraduates. I have to give what has been described as a "presentation to the undergraduates and some faculty".

I asked if it should be more on research or more of a lecture and the answer was "whatever you want."

I feel this is some kind of a test. I am trying to figure out what to do.

Of course the topic I picked is related to my research. The question is, how much research should I present? AAAGGHHH! At first I was going to just modify my last research in progress talk. It was 30 minutes, and I figured I'd add more intro to fit the 45 minute time frame. But then I realized that this was too much of an in progress thing and also very technical. It might be boring to undergraduate.

Finally I've decided to basically stretch out my whole intro into a 45 minute talk. This way it is educational, but the faculty in the audience can get an idea of what my research interests are. I hope that is OK.

I don't know. I am 3/4 of the way done. We will see.

However, let me just say that the one thing I am sure of is that I need a new chair. This one is not very comfortable. Maybe I'll get a new job and that job will provide with an office- and a chair. One can hope...

A note to the tall woman with the brown eyes and black asics sneakers....

2009-04-30T22:17:00.002-04:00

Walking straight up to the door and putting your eye up to look in through the crack between the door and wall is not the appropriate way to see if the bathroom stall is occupied.

If I ever pass you in the hallway maybe I'll have the nerve to tell you to knock. Or bend down and look for feet. Or give a test push even. But geez, lady, respect a girls privacy.

I'm just sayin'.

Show me the money.

2009-04-28T12:53:00.002-04:00

I may be behind the game, but two events today inspired me to look up faculty salaries:

First: I just got a phone call inviting me to come to campus next week to interview for a position I recently applied for (pause while I do my happy dance again...)(As an aside: I have to give a 45 minute presentation, geared towards undergraduates, on the topic of... anything. Anything at all. Of course I have ideas about that but it will take a lot of work to prepare, and of course this week is the last week of classes so I have many papers to grade and much other work to do.)

Second: I am currently listening to the AAAS webinar on Nontraditional Careers, and they just discussed this very topic. Well, they were discussing salaries in general, not faculty salaries, because after all, a faculty position is the very definition of a traditional career. However, it lead me to do some searches, and I found this website:
http://chronicle.com/stats/aaup/
Check it out.

It is interesting- there is quite a range. Hm, so that is what my boss makes...

Actually, the one thing that really jumped out at me was this: the fact that they still have to divide this based on gender. Remind me again... what year is it?

I know that they know that he knows- but he won’t tell.

2009-03-29T22:54:00.002-04:00

Recently, I have changed the focus of my research. The fundamentals are the same; but I have shifted them to focus on disease B, instead of disease A, because we have money to study disease B, and we do not have money to study disease A. Fine; it's all good; in the most basic way my research hasn't changed at all. Plus, we have been getting some interesting preliminary data, opening up lots of exciting questions to follow up on, and I decided to focus on My Favorite Protein. Because (a) it really is one of my favorite proteins; and (b) I was pretty sure no one else was doing this research. Who doesn't want to do cool stuff without having to worry about your competition scooping you?

Yes, yes, I know. That is very naïve. If it is true, and it is good, and it is exciting… then it is only a matter of time before someone else stumbles across it, too, and sometimes you only find that out because they publish their paper weeks- or maybe a few months- before you. Been there. Done that. Still bitter.

Given that scenario, I should be happy about what happened last week. I should be, but I'm not.

A Well Respected Muckety Muck (WRMM) came to give a seminar. This is a person with lots of money and lots of people who attacks a problem full force- head on- and pulls out results that I, in my poor and isolated state, can only dream about. Since my PI was the host, he arranged an informal group meeting between our 'special project' team and the WRMM. As far as I knew, WRMM was studying process A, related to disease B but in a parallel and non threatening way.

I was all prepared to give a brief powerpoint about our work- having been instructed, with very little warning, to "Talk about your research strategy without giving away any of your data". I grumbled as I unexpectedly spent an afternoon not setting up an IP, but instead mocking up flow charts about our approach XYZ that were pretty, colorful, and completely generic. And then I went to our meeting, and waited to give my presentation. And waited. And waited. Now, I hadn't been able to attend the seminar, since I had to get my children off to school that morning; so I was coming in ignorant of the data that had been presented. But that didn't turn out to be a problem for long. It turns out WRMM likes to talk about their own work- as do many scientists- and I soon got the gist of the data. But I never did get a chance to present my stuff. Which, about 10 minutes in, I realized was a good thing, because WRMM basically said: "I don't know why anyone would take the approach of XYZ. It is a big waste of time. What would be the use?"

Humph. And then… WRMM let it slip that Postdoc D was following up on some interesting data on the role of… you guessed it… My Favorite Protein, in Disease B. It was like a bolt of electricity went shooting through me; I sat straight up and barely contained the million questions that were about to come pouring out of my mouth. But Postdoc D would shoot WRMM if WRMM gave away any details so that is all WRMM would say.

The next day, when I saw my PI in the lunchroom, I asked "So, did WRMM tell you more about Postdoc D and My Favorite Protein?"

My PI finished chewing, swallowed, took a sip of his bubbly refreshment, and then responded "Yes. And that is all I am allowed to say about that."

AGGHHH. OK, I understand, if he can't say he can't say. But truly, I hope that if my PI knows that this WRMM is ahead of me in this race to the finish line, that my PI would drop some strong hints for me to change my approach. My PI hasn't; so I won't. But then… my PI can be overly confident in assessing how much data one person can generate in a given amount of time, so part of me still wonders if I should cut my losses now- before I am way too invested in My Favorite Protein. Especially when there are so many other avenues to follow up on.

Sometimes, I really hate my job.

An emotional journey.

2009-03-16T11:29:00.002-04:00

I was driving in to work this morning when I saw a dead deer on the side of the road. Laying right next to it was a dead coyote. For some reason this made me extremely sad- the coyote, not the deer, which I see once a week or so. I just imagined that the coyote got all excited when it found the dear carcass, thinking "Jackpot! Dinner for the whole pack!" and just as it was bending it's head to its dinner WHAMO. It got hit by a car.

Not such a good day for the coyote, after all.

However, my depression didn't last long. I was listening to some NPR Driveway Moments podcasts when I heard this hysterically funny one. Go ahead, take a listen, just make sure you do so somewhere where you can laugh out loud. It's the story of a 90-something year old woman, and her first bra. An inflatable bra. It didn't attract the kind of attention she was hoping for, as you might guess.

And then, as I was still chuckling over that one, another story came on, and not only did it bring me back down again, it actually made me cry. It's the story of a woman whose son died 31 (or was it 41?) years ago.

By the time I got to work I felt pretty good. That emotional car ride was good for my psyche. Everyone needs a good laugh- and a good cry- every once in a while.

I prefer to leave it on a laugh, though, so I think I'll listen to the story about the inflatable bra again.

When you discover your source is not reliable.

2009-03-13T09:11:00.003-04:00

I am taking a new road in my research, and while I wait for reagents to arrive and cell lines to be ready I am spending a lot of time (a) analyzing transcription profile data and (b) doing literature searches. It is exciting to embark in a new direction and to immerse yourself at the start of a potentially productive project. Then again, most of them start off as exciting and potentially productive; I suppose it is even better when they end up being so.

Anyway, as part of my online searches I came across a technical file at one particular company website. You know what I mean, those short little "all about this protein/ antibody of interest in 200 words or less" that they have linked to their product data sheets. The 200 words weren't very informative, but I was following some of the references in the hopes of uncovering others that might help me. There were 15 references cited, and I looked at the last six. Reference #10 was a 2004 paper from someone with an extremely common last name, so I opted to search by volume and page number. Search results: 0. Hmm. Ok, so I find the journal online, and again search for the volume and page number. Search results: 0. What? So then I search by author name and year. Search result: 1. This is the paper I was looking for, and it turns out the datasheet printed the wrong volume number in their citation list. Apparently they don't use endnote. I glance at the article, realize it is not helpful, and move on to reference 11.

Reference #11 is also not helpful. I look up reference #12, and once again my volume/page search comes back with nothing. Once again I search at the journal's homepage by name/ year and find the article I am looking for, and discover that this time, the datasheet printed the wrong page numbers. Another typo? Someone is not very meticulous.

Reference #13 is somewhat helpful, but #14 is useless. I get to #15, the last reference. I find the paper with no problem, but as I scan through it I realize that the authors conclusions are in direct contradiction to the product data sheet. In other words, this company used this reference in support of the theory that Protein A activates Protein B. In reference #15 the authors actually study this, and conclude quite clearly that Protein A and Protein B have nothing whatsoever to do with each other. This leads me to believe that whoever wrote this data sheet didn't even read the articles they were citing.

Come on! When you only have fifteen articles, it doesn't take you that long to at least scan through them! I was so irritated and annoyed that I decided to send the company an email and explain that they needed to proofread their product data sheets.

A short time later I received a reply from a "technical corespondent": "Thank you for your email and for bringing these errors to our attention. I have notified our marketing department so that the errors may be corrected."

Wonderful. Correct the errors. However, the issue is much larger then this one document; it indicates a general lack of quality control and makes me wonder how reliable this company is in general. This just provides further evidence that you can't trust the company catalogue, you have to troubleshoot everything yourself. As if I needed more evidence for that.

Judging middle school science.

2009-03-12T16:38:00.001-04:00

I just spent the morning at the state science fair. Students in grades 7-12 presented their projects, and the winners will go to the international science fair in May.

This was my second year as a judge, but last year I only judged the preliminary rounds. This year I signed up for the final judging, which meant that the students were present.

I was assigned to judge the seventh grade life science finalists. They were so nervous, but overall I was quite impressed with the quality and diversity of projects. The youngest group of scientists really did an excellent job, and I tried to give them constructive feedback on ways to improve their projects. I started out by asking them to tell me what motivated them to do this particular project. They were obviously warned to expect this question, but the range of responses I got was quite interesting. The project that I ended up scoring very highly was by a young girl who wanted to prove her mother wrong; however, she quite reasonable predicted the opposite; and at the end of the day the results clearly supported her hypothesis… and therefore her mother! A few of them had quite personal reasons for choosing their particular experiment; a few of them have been influenced by current events (carbon footprints, alternative energy sources), and a few didn't really have good reasons other than "I like it." But hey, at that age, that is a start!

One thing I learned, though, was that if it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. One of the students attempted a project dealing with a quite complex issue; the idea was good- very impressive, in fact. The execution, however, was only so-so, and unlike all of the other finalists I spoke with he didn't really have answers to most of my basic questions. After conferring with some of the other judges I found out that he had found the idea and protocol published somewhere- probably somewhere like this- and just tried to do follow the directions. His execution of the experiment was so poor that, knowing he didn't design the experiment himself, this knocked him far down on my list. And yet… I still wanted to reward him- to keep him motivated and interested. He is young; if he has a good experience this year, maybe he'll come back with more original ideas and better executed protocols.

I commented to some of the other judges that it is so exciting to see all these kids getting excited about science. You read those
reports about the decline in science education in America, and worry; but then you go to these events and see that science education in this country is flourishing. One of the judges mentioned that it is not necessarily the quality of the science that has declined, but the quantity; apparently last year they had so few entries that they had more awards to give out then they knew what to do with. That may be true at the elementary school, but as we all know, there is no lack of scientists in the job market!

After I finished reviewing my own category, I walked around a bit to look at the projects of the older kids; some of them were very advanced. It is obvious when a student has a parent that is a scientist; it gives them an (unfair?) advantage over their peers who can't use their parents supplies and equipment. My favorite was- quite fairly- not a finalist; but I was curious to look over the experiment that tested the absorption properties of different brands of baby diapers. As it turns out, the least expensive diapers had the largest volume of crystals and absorbed the most water. And to think, I spent all that money on Pampers!

On references and how to cite them.

2009-03-11T17:11:00.002-04:00

A common and major problem I'm finding as I grade lab reports is a lack of understanding in how to cite references and provide a properly formatted reference list. I keep having to correct the same general problems over and over. It might be easier to make a list of errors and just circle the ones that are applicable for each paper. So far I have come up with:

The 5 Most Common Citation/ Reference List Errors.

Wikipedia is not an acceptable resource. Neither are other webpages. It must be a published textbook or peer reviewed journal article. These articles might have been retrieved online but they are not solely an online resource- if I went to the library I'd be able to find the article within a published book or journal.
Don't throw references into a list just for looks. Only reference the text book if you actually use the textbook. Also, if the article is in the reference list, then you must cite it somewhere in the paper
Further, you must have citations within your paper; just making a list at the end is not correct.
This is not expository writing or a book review. You are not allowed to use quotation marks. You must paraphrase, in your own words, and then cite the article.
Please check the APA, your writing guide, your 'how to write a properly formatted reference' assignment, or even the references from the article you are citing, to learn the proper formatting for your list.

Failure to cite a reference, or improperly citing references is in fact plagiarism.

Hello. My name is Tina. And I am a cheater.

2009-03-07T16:30:00.002-05:00

I just read unbalanced reactions post about cheaters who prosper, and the comments that it generated. It brought back memories for me; cheaters I have had to prosecute; cheaters who I saw ultimately get punished; cheaters who haven't gotten caught.

I gave a quiz the other day, and I am pretty sure I saw one of the students do the yawn- stretch- glance at neighbors paper maneuver. I glanced up to see the tail end of the movement and wasn't 100% sure, so my reaction was to get up and casually wander closer to his row to keep an eye on things. Unfortunately for him, the person he allegedly cheated from didn't study either; so neither of them did well. That is a tough situation to deal with, though, and if I had been sure of what I'd seen I would have had to do something… although I don't know what, exactly.

In graduate school I knew a few cheaters. I remember in the middle of one exam when the four of us were sitting alone in the classroom and one of the girls asked me- with no attempt to hide it- for one of the answers. I looked up, stunned, and caught the eyes of the other two, and then somehow shrugged her off. That kind of thing hadn't happened to me since high school, when I was a "hunch over your paper so others can't cheat off you" type. It didn't help my popularity in high school chemistry, but I didn't want those friends anyway. Not to mention that these were not short answer questions; it would have been obvious that something fishy was going on if two of us had given similar answers. A short time later she went to the bathroom, where she was seen looking through her notebook. We didn't report her- officially. But her actions were made known, and eventually she was asked to leave the program- she failed her qualifiers. Recently, other students have been caught plagiarizing their qualifying exams; it was an occurrence that stunned everyone. One doesn't expect such behavior, but the reality is that it happens. Such blatant cheating makes you wonder, though, if perhaps they wanted to be caught. Otherwise, how could they possible think that it was acceptable, or that they would get away with it?

The other memories that it brought back were of the times I, too, cheated. There are two. The first was in sixth grade; we had a test on which we had to label the fifty states and their capitals. I was convinced I was going to fail so I drew up a fancy cheat sheet and hid it right inside the lip of my desk. But then I was so guilty and afraid that I didn't actually use it. I got a 100 on that test: spending all that time making the cheat sheet helped me learn something. So did I actually cheat? No. But the intent was there.

The second time I cheated was in college. I went to a school with a very liberal attitude towards finals, in the sense that they were self scheduled. When you were ready, you went to pick the exam up at one of two (or three?) exam centers, took it to any one of the designated classrooms in any of the academic buildings, and brought it back within the time specified. The exam centers themselves were student run. This particular exam was my biochemistry final. It was open book and open notes, which is a hard exam to cheat on. The way I cheated was that, instead of taking it in a designated classroom, I took it back to my room. I was sure all sorts of alarm bells would go off, but I did it anyway, because I really wanted to be able to drink my coffee and sit in my own room while I sweated through the exam, without disturbing anyone else. I didn't cheat on the exam itself, and I didn't do that well on it either. Hence, I was a biology, and not a biochemistry, major. OK, it might not be the worst example of cheating you ever heard, but it would have been considered a violation of the academic honor code.

That's it. I have confessed. I still feel guilty even now as I type this. It makes me wonder: how could someone who does worse live with themselves?

Having a life.

2009-03-04T21:39:00.001-05:00

I am getting awfully tired of the many emails I have been getting over the past twenty four hours, starting with the woe is me my life is tragic and ending with the pathetic groveling "I would be so so so grateful if you could give me any extra time at all!"

The pinnacle actually ocurred in class the other day, when one of my students was complaining that I couldn't turn on the online quiz which had expired (and he'd had a week to do), exclaiming "Don't they know we have a life?" Before I could even phrase a comeback, he apologized "Sorry. That did not come out right!" He had an amusingly shocked/appalled/ apologetic look on his face. Later, as he was walking out the door with a "Bye Professor" I replied, to the amusement of the rest of the class, "Enjoy your life, John*"

Honestly, I am not going to grade all of the papers in the first few days. Probably not in the first week, even. And it is better to ask in advance then to just not hand it in. So I am granting short extensions. But after awhile it does get tiresome. Learning to manage a work load is part of the process, and they have had this assignment for three weeks now.

Anyway, what do you think would happen if, the next time someone complains when I don't respond to an email within 10 minutes of them sending it, I just said "Don't you understand that I have a life?"

DOH!

2009-03-02T21:05:00.002-05:00

So, I've been typing in my name/ URL when I leave comments. Tina, at www(dot)raisingscientists(dot)blogspot(dot)com

Turns out that if you go to that address, you do not get my blog. That www is what throws it off. If I have accidentally directed you to a wrong blog via my comments, I apologize! I am smarter then that... usually!

Emergencies

2009-02-27T13:33:00.002-05:00

One of my students almost passed out in class today. I was busy helping someone when I heard a persistent "Professor! Professor! Umm, professor!" The urgency in the tone got to me so I turned to find her labmate supporting her; she was limp, pale, and bug eyed. We walked her out, got her some sugar water, and had her sit for a while. It most likely was just low blood sugar; she hadn't eaten because her dad was coming to take her to lunch. Still, it was scary for a few minutes; that is some excitement that I can do without!

Perhaps the most alarming part of it all, however, was when the paramedic asked the girl "Birthdate?" And she responding somemonth someday "…nineteen ninety."

AGH! When did I get so old? I was a first year student in college in 1990! Someone almost had to catch me as I swayed in alarm.

Anyway, she went off to get some food and rest and I went back to lab, to see a few of the others gagging. No, not more sickness: they saw the bloodworms defecating. It is rather nasty. Strapping jocks gagging in disgust… amusing, but worrisome; I don't know who would support them if they passed out!

DEATH!

2009-02-25T14:35:00.002-05:00

That was the eye catching and unsubtle title of the email I received from the lab coordinator this morning.

Apparently, since I left the worms and crabs out after lab yesterday, some of them died. Two crabs committed suicide, jumping out of the bowl and landing on the floor and drying out. The worms I suspect were murdered involuntarily by the squeamish manipulations of my students- but I am taking the blame for that as well. Supposedly I was instructed to change the water and then move them. I did remember to change the water; I completely forgot about the need to move them. I almost volunteered to go to the shoreline and collect some new ones myself, but then I decided against it, after hearing about this episode… if collecting bloodworms qualifies for "Dirty Jobs" then it is not something I want to do. They said that they have enough for today and can get more for tomorrow.

But I do feel really bad.

Poor crabs.

Good news and bad. But mostly bad.

2009-02-23T13:20:00.001-05:00

So I just received an email about that faculty job that I had the phone interview for. The good news is that I made the top four. Barely… I am number 4. The bad news is that they are only inviting the top two (2!) to campus at this point.

Getting hired when you’re not even looking.

2009-02-21T08:29:00.001-05:00

I have been working on finding a new job for months now; earnestly since the new year. "Earnestly" means that I have my cv and resume and teaching statement and research statement ready; when an opening is announced, I tweak them to be appropriate for that particular job and send them off.

So far I have sent them to three places and had one interview. This was a phone interview; step one in the long, slow faculty hiring process. I obsessed about it for days before and am still obsessing about it- having not heard anything further yet.

Contrast that with Greg. Last week, his headhunter called him and asked for an updated resume. He pulled one out and sent it to her. Two days ago he had an interview- which I only know because he casually mentioned it on the way out the door that morning. Later that night I asked how it went, and he started talking about the meeting he had had. Exasperated, I said "No, the interview!" "Oh, that. Yeah, they offered me a job."

OK, of course I am happy for him. But…. Grrr. It must be nice for it to be so easy.

The contrast is this, though; he doesn't know if he wants the job, and it is not so obvious, for him, whether it is a move in the right direction. At least with me, once you pick which ladder you want to climb (academia, either teaching or research or both- industry- biotech- or other) the ladder is very well defined. Still, he is much higher up his ladder then I am up mine, and I am envious of him. All those years I spent in school, while he was working his way up the ranks; the only way we'll know for sure that it was worth it is if I get hired. So excuse me while I go scour the faculty openings for the zillionth time and see if maybe something new has opened up…

It’s not a popularity contest. Well, only a little bit.

2009-02-19T12:29:00.002-05:00

I had a phone interview for a job recently, and the last question they asked was "What is one of your biggest weaknesses as a teacher?" Don't you hate that question? And despite the fact that they always ask that, I am never prepared. So my answer was off the cuff and honest. "My worst weakness is that I can be very demanding. I need to learn to set appropriate expectations."

I don't mind that I am demanding; what I worry about is that I am asking of my students more than they are able to give. I want them to like science and learn to be confident, after all. However, I am of the opinion that these are college freshmen that I teach, and they need to study, and learn, and apply their knowledge. I do not favor multiple choice or fill in the blank exams; they get those weekly as pre-lab quizzes, and that is all well and good to get them to begin to think about a concept, but it isn't the best way to test their comprehension. (Don't let this open up a whole new conversation about standardized tests, please. Remember, this is a laboratory class.) OK, I might throw in one or two, to be nice, but then I like more interpretative and analytical questions, or, even better, lab practicals.

I realized recently that not everyone tests in this way, though.

But here is the thing; first of all, I am not teaching the lectures, so I am not savvy on what they are learning there. I do not feel comfortable asking questions about concepts that are not part of our laboratory. I teach lab, so I ask about lab. Secondly, the coordinator asked us to design more lab practical types of exams; so that is what I do. So yes, I am very demanding. That's life. If you don't like it, don't register for my class. And guess what- some of the students come back to me again; and some most surely don't like me and they won't come back. Still, if no one registers for my class, I won't keep my job for very long.

How do I know they don't like me? Well, let me tell you a story…

In the back of the lab is a terrarium with a very large, very hairy tarantula living inside. During class Tuesday night I overhead two students talking. One said "Aw, the spider is lonely. It needs a mate." And the other said… "Throw Prof. --- in there with it."

Well! I wasn't sure if I should acknowledge the comment or pretend not to have heard it. It didn't hurt my feelings so much as it shocked me and made me almost want to laugh. But, since I couldn't come up with anything to say that would be appropriate or non-inflammatory, I bit my tongue and said nothing.

Incidentally, I listed that as one of my strengths: The ability to know when to be quiet and not let the small stuff interfere with the task at hand.

I'm not sure what the lesson is here, except that I really do need to know how to gauge appropriately my class's potential, and make sure that I work to that. Judging from scores on exams and, ultimately, grades, I think I do that pretty well. But that is one of my weaknesses, and one of my greatest challenges.

I am not laughing.

2009-02-17T08:38:00.001-05:00

I was just reading this post about Darwin (apparently I missed this hot topic while I was studying the tree of life and plant anatomy) when I saw the disclaimer about "not making fun of the students" when quoting their typos and grammatical errors. And I thought to myself that perhaps I am guilty of that- of making fun of my students. But then I thought, "Nah."

You know why not? Because I don't point out these issues to make fun and laugh; I point them out because they are irritating and symbolic of a greater problem: these kids don't know how to communicate. In an era when it is so easy to stay in touch, why is it so difficult to communicate?

I'll tell you why. The problem is that because it is so easy, they don't take the time to think about what they are saying. How often do I get the hasty email "Hey professor, I don't understand the homework. Thanks." Or the email that is written in abbreviations and syntax that I just don't understand. I hate those. I hate those stupid abbreviations. If I need a decoder ring then I am not going to read it. Hey, I may not always use correct grammar and syntax, but I do know how to use spell check, and I do know how to get the point across. When it is so easy to send an email to ask "Hey Prof, what is the assignment this week?", why bother going to blackboard and looking at the syllabus? I'll tell you why: because it is a waste of my time to have to reply to those emails. So, my standard reply is "Go to blackboard and look on the syllabus". Eventually, they learn to do just that. And for the former question, my reply is "If you ask a specific question I can try to help you, otherwise come see me after class." Sometimes I never hear from them again, which means they were just being lazy and looking for me to hold their hand and walk them through the assignment; and sometimes, they do come to me, and then I can help them one on one- the time honored and preferred way to do it.

So what was the point of this? The point of this whole rant is just to say that I am not making fun… because it is not in the least bit funny.

Hey! That’s me!

2009-02-16T23:11:00.001-05:00

I'm witty, oh so witty.. yes, it has been ages since I've posted here, but then I followed a link on someone else's blog to this page and discovered that I am in the top 50 list of women science bloggers. Yes, me! Right there with all of my idols. And apparently I am funny and witty and contemplative. However, I'd like to clarify, I am not in any way a math professor, having dropped out of calculus. Twice. I think that is a required course for mathematicians. But I do think that this post probably led to that misconception… (and by the way, all the math in that post… it turned out that I didn't need to do any of it with my class, so it was pointless agony.)

So yes, I am still here. I am enjoying the semester, but finding it difficult as the amount of review I have to do each week is stressful and mind boggling. OK, we are on our third week of plant biology now, and that exactly equals the amount of time I spent in a class learning plant biology as a student. And those three weeks happened, oh, 18 years ago. Understand the difficulty there? (As an aside… gasp, 18 years ago? Really? Holy cow.) That is the reason I haven't posted much. I am tres busy at work, working; when I come home I am busy with the family and busy with studying plant biology, and then darling husband complains that I work too hard, so I try to squeeze him into my daily schedule; and then I am just too tired to blog. But I do miss it, I confess, and will try to put more time into it. Especially now that I feel so appreciated!

The email I did send. With an addendum

2008-11-30T12:16:00.003-05:00

Dear Professor:

I was wondering if I was aloud to know my score on the quiz before I decide whether or not to retake it because I thought I did good but after your email I am not so sure so I was wondering if you think I should take it again or not, thank you and happy thanksgiving.

Dear student:

As I stated in my previous two emails, I am not handing out individual grades. However, as you can see from the graph I sent, not a single person achieved a perfect score. Therefore, everyone can benefit from retaking the quiz.

Dr. Raising Scientists (or at least trying to).

What I wanted to say... everyone sucked, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves. This was not a hard quiz. I am letting you re-take the same quiz for a second time, and any idiot should realize that it is a good idea to try again. You know the questions! Go look up the answers and ace it this time! Unless you are satisfied with mediocrity, in which case I cannot help you anyway, so don't even bother.

On granting extensions.

2008-11-26T19:17:00.002-05:00

My husband thinks I am a hard ass.

I disagree. Somewhat.

My students have a writing assignment due the Monday after Thanksgiving break. Hey, I didn't make the syllabus, I just take it as law. This is a large assignment, worth a significant portion of their final grade. However, they have been working on drafts over the past few weeks, so all they have to do is take my feedback, incorporate it into their original version, and hand it in. And yes, for some, that is a lot of work- because they didn't do so much the first time around. I am not very sympathetic. However, I do recognize that it really sucks to have to worry about this over break.

I guess I am naive, though, because I was surprised this past Monday when I received an email from one of my students, asking for an extension, without any reason or excuse. It actually rather irritated me. I hate lame excuses as much as the next person, but sometimes there are genuinely valid ones, such as the one where the student fell off a horse and was in the hospital for three days; or the one where the students grandmother passed away suddenly. To not even offer a lame excuse, though, means that there isn't a good reason other then "I don't feel like doing the work this week so I want more time to go out with my hometown friends, play Wii, and procrastinate."

Coincidentally, I had just decided to give them all an extra three days. (That thing about the syllabus = law? Not so much, I guess)(At least not for me. Just for the students). I sent a mass email announcing the new due date, and informing them if I didn't get the assignment by noon on Thursday, they would receive a zero.

This student immediately responded with "Oh, thank you so much!"

You know what? I wanted to email them right back and say "Hey, it isn't because you asked for it. Frankly, your asking for an extension makes you look either lazy or uninterested, and any other time I would have said no."

It was this reaction that made my husband call me a hard ass, as I vented over dinner tonight.

Then again, he would have been that student. Only, salesman that he is, he would have come in with a good pitch and sold me on why he needed an extension.

Hey, I think I was nice to give them the extra time. And really, I wasn't going to have time to grade those papers between Monday and Thursday, so it's no big deal to me one way or the other. But they need to learn to be responsible, and part of that responsibility is learning to meet deadlines. Even when they fall after a holiday.

People do the craziest things... for the best reasons.

2008-11-25T11:47:00.000-05:00

I just heard about this guy. He is going to row across the atlantic, solo, to raise money for melanoma research (in memory of his mother).

Yeah, when we first heard that we thought it sounded crazy. Then we met him, and he talked to us about his planned trip a little bit. We still think it is crazy. And brave and admirable. And crazy.

Check it out. He is going to row across the Atlantic, from Africa to South America, starting mid-December. Solo. No one following him. No one leading him. No engines or anchors or sails. Just him, a boat, and a couple of oars.

And lots and lots of food, electronic equipment, solar-powered desalinator, GPS, back up GPS, backup back-up GPS, a sextant (the back-up back-up back-up GPS), a satellite phone, and... hopefully- a lifejacket.

His biggest obstacle during all his preparation? Getting fat enough to have energy stores for the physical exertion.

Man, how often do you hear people complain that they can't get fat enough?

Anyway, he wanted to do something in honor of his mother. He isn't a scientist, or an MD, but he is a rower. So he will row. So far he has spent a lot of money preparing for this effort, but hopefully people will start donating for his cause. His goal is $500,000.

I hope he makes it. Back, that is.

A perspective.

2008-11-24T20:44:00.006-05:00

Sometimes, working in a lab so far removed from everything, you forget. But I had a week this past week when I couldn't. It is nice to be reminded. It is nice when what I do gets put into perspective. It is nice... and a little bit depressing.

I was sitting in a meeting with the Powers That Be of our (Insert Scary Unpopular (ie Unfunded) Cancer Here) Research Project (when they say it it sounds like it is in Capital Letters). Somehow I was 'invited' (I use quotation marks because it wasn't really optional) to participate along with all of the PI's. Them and me... the peon. I got to witness the ideas being thrown around, the banter, the reparte. It was, in my humble opinion, fascinating, exciting, and... a colossal waste of time. They had lots of ideas, some good... and every time it came down to who would actually do the work all eyes turned to me. But I digress.

This is a collaborative effort among quite a few labs from several different departments, and among the people at the table were a molecular biologist, an immunologist, a bioinformatics guy, the Matriarch, and one M.D., an oncologist. He kept getting interrupted by his beeper going off. You know how irritating it is when you are in the middle of a seminar and you keep hearing the horrible beepers beep? Don't they have a 'vibrate' mode? Well, it is worse when it keeps happening in a small group meeting and, it seems, it happened every time he himself started to speak. So he would excuse himself, go out to the hall, and come back a few minutes later and try to catch up to where the conversation had radically drifted.

Finally, after one of these events, he apologized. "I'm sorry. I've got a patient in the hospital who is dying today, and I need to go soon for the last rites."

Aw man. He's got a patient who is dying and he is sitting around this table apologizing to us? I just looked at him and wondered how he could handle it so seemingly calmly. We all told him to "go, go!" and watched as he walked out the door to deal with the reality while we sat around the table and discussed the best in vitro and in vivo models to use for our experiments. We decided to make a priority list. Some of our patient samples belong to patients who are still alive. We decided to focus on those. In case we can find something that will help.

The exciting thing is that... the reason for this meeting is that we think we have found something that will help. But as I just said... we have to do a lot more in vitro and in vivo work before our M.D. might start using these therapies off label as a last ditch effort. And yet, for me, this is the closest I've ever been to seeing something that could- really, truly- make a difference.

So next time maybe he won't have to leave to be with a dying patient.

Deductive reasoning.

2008-11-05T00:11:00.002-05:00

I was just reading a post that was submitted to the Open Laboratory 2008 and the weirdest thing happened. While the author was trying to keep certain details anonymous, I totally know who they were talking about, it being a person from my own institution. It is such a completely unexpected phenomenon...

I almost left a comment, but then decided against it, as that would give away too much information about me...

Has that ever happened to you?

Lowering the bar.

2008-11-04T11:57:00.006-05:00

Last night, I told my 5 year old daughter that we were going to have to go vote today.
"But I already voted, Mommy!" she replied.
"You did? Who did you vote for?"
" For the one who begins with the letter (x)".
"Good!"
"Yeah!" She holds her arms out, hands flat, one arm higher then the other. "If he gets more votes that the bar will look like this. But if the other one gets more votes..." she switches the heights of her arms, reversing them "then the bars will look like this. And if it looks like this," she puts her hands even with each other, "then that means they got the same votes."

Hm. My 5 year old understands bar graphs better then some of my freshmen in college.

I feel like I've posted about this before, but I can't see where, so I probably just meant to. I've been grading papers, still and again, and I am constantly amazed at the quality of some of the work. Or, should I say, lack thereof? Shouldn't a freshman in college know that the x- axis has to be in numerical order? 1 comes before 2, and 2 comes before 3. My sister, who teaches elementary school, tells me that her third graders know this basic rule. And if that isn't bad enough, it is often painfully clear that they don't read their own work. I understand that these students don't know how to use excel, yet, but if they would just look at the chart after they plot it, they would immediately see that it is wrong.

I've gotten graphs that are sideways, upside down, the wrong data, or completely lacking any data. I've told them to make an XY scatter graph, and I get a bar graph. And vice versa. I've told them to put their variables on each axis, and instead I get random numbers on the axis. Forget about actually labeling the axis or including a descriptive title. Then, I read their discussion where they supposedly interpret the graph, and the two don't correlate. I'll see that A is higher then B- in the table of results. The graph is uninterpretable. They conclude that their hypothesis was supported because B was higher then A. This just further illustrates how useful a good graph can be, when done properly. So why is this so difficult to understand? Am I just setting my expectations too high?

Worried, irritated, annoyed, and frustrated. Oh My.

2008-11-03T21:49:00.005-05:00

I am worried about one of my students. (S)he has missed their third class, today- the limit for the semester. This unmotivated student (UMS) has therefore missed one of four in lab quizzes, not to mention a very thorough analysis of the data we've collected over the past several weeks- data which will be used to write the formal lab report, which is worth almost half of their entire grade.

UMS just received a mid term warning that their grade, as of last week, was a D+. I am afraid, after missing class this week, that there is no way to improve upon that; I just don't think it is possible for UMS to work through the data on their own, and an unexcused absence doesn't require- or inspire- make-up time.

I have no experience with this sort of situation. This first-year student is obviously struggling- due to a lack of motivation, poor work ethic, or other problems, and I hope this doesn't scar them- or their record- forever, but...

if they won't do the work, I can't do it for them.

I may have to suggest to UMS that they withdraw for the semester and take the class again in the spring.

I think this is the most frustrating aspect of my teaching experience so far. No, I take that back. The most frustrating thing is when you have a student who really wants to get it... but doesn't. This UMS is frustrating, also, but in an irritating- trying to be patient but I feel like I'm wasting my time- sort of way.

And then I get annoyed that I am irritated, because I should be better then that.

So I think I will take my annoyingly irritated and frustrated I'm only human self and go have a glass of wine and try to find a t.v. channel that is not talking about the election. Because I am trying to wind down... not up.

Maybe I'd better read a book, instead.

Dressed to Impress... no one.

2008-10-29T22:57:00.010-04:00

I seem to be getting in to a habit of sleeping late. The alarm goes off, and I think "must get up and start the day" but instead my hand- which must have a mind of its own- reaches out and slaps the snooze button or even- gasp- the off button. But the mornings are cold, and dark, and the children are sleeping, so why can't I?

This means that I have very little time to primp. My wardrobe has been, for the most part, jeans and a sweater. And my awesome new converse sneakers which are, appropriately, called "Grunge".

This morning was no exception. When I finally awoke, I had barely enough time to get the children fed and dressed and to school and daycare, so I decided to come home and shower after. But then I got distracted reading other blogs (damn you all), so instead of having plenty of time I had, once again, very little. I did shower. I did not wash my hair, opting instead for a chic ponytail. I threw on the jeans and sweater, and then got ready to apply my face. And this is when a voice inside my head said "Why bother? Who are you trying to impress? No one at work cares." So my face, today, consisted of one coat of (my free sample of) Clinique's High Impact mascara, which I adore. Lately, I've been applying it only to my top lashes, because I think it makes me look like I am awake. Of course, all together, this ensemble makes me look like I am only twelve years old- but an awake twelve year old.

So I wander in to lab an hour late, and go to drop off my brownies in the break slash meeting room (love to bake, but want to keep my girlish figure). The door is- mysteriously- closed. "What's going on?" I ask, to no one and to everyone, and someone replies "Don't you remember? It's the site visit from the ACS today."

Ahhggg. Of course. Today was the day all the big donors to the American Cancer Society get to Visit a Real Research Lab, and See Where all Their Money Gets Put To (Ahem) Good Use. So I hastily pulled out some experiments and started washing some blots so that I could look impressively busy, and prepare myself to meet and greet the wealthy.

It figures, on the One Day A Year that I should dress to impress, and I'm in grunge.

My one consolation is that it could have been worse.

When "they" don't get it.

2008-10-29T00:43:00.000-04:00

I have been reading the backposts of one of my new favorite science blogs. (I worship Isis and long to be as witty and hot as she). However, this particular post made me remember an incident that occurred not long ago...

(fade to flashback)

We had just had a long lab meeting that somehow ended with my PI offering career advice to a post-bac. student who was contemplating applying to grad school. Because this career session started as a lab meeting, I, the graduate students, and the new med student who had joined our lab for the year, were all stuck listening. Having been through it myself, I occasionally piped in with a word or two of advice or witty commentary, as the topics ranged from the application process, picking a lab, passing qualifying exams, and post-PhD career options- and whether it was worth getting a PhD at all.

As we finally escaped to lab to begin our actual work for the day, the med student wandered over with a dazed look on his face. "Wow!" he exclaimed, "I never realized how complicated things were for you guys!"

Now, I wasn't yet sure if I liked this particular med student or not; he had a tendency to complain about how as an MD, he'd have to work so hard but wouldn't really make much money for many years to come. And I, in my search for career fulfillment as a late-stage post-doctoral PhD research scientist, didn't particularly feel any sympathy for him. However, I thought, maybe he is beginning to appreciate the work that PhD's do and the challenges that we face...

but no. The next words out of his mouth sealed my opinion of him- for the worse- forever...

"But at least- if worse came to worse- you guys could moonlight as technicians."

* * * * *

It was only later, as I was recounting the story to Husband, that I came up with a perfect comeback...

"Sure! And if you get tired of the grind, you can always moonlight as a medical assistant!"

* * * * *

*With all due respect to technicians- who do work hard, I know, having been employed as one for several years between undergrad and graduate school. I just think at this point- as I pointed out to my favorite med student- I am somewhat overqualified.

Computer woes.

2008-10-27T16:38:00.004-04:00

I hate my new computer.

First, I had good wireless signal, but I could not connect to the internet.

Then, I could not get my display to show up on the projector. Also, every time it starts up I have to readjust the brightness of the monitor- it's always really dark.

And now, I can't get email.

OK, OK I know that last thing is probably not related to the new computer, it is just coincidental that it occurred simultaneously with all of my other issues. However. In lab today we collected a large amount of data. No one was allowed to leave until I received two copies of their group data ( in two different formats). Since I couldn't receive email, it took a while to figure out where they could send those files.

I can send email, I just can't receive it. It is extremely frustrating. On one hand, this does explain the chirping crickets I hear every time I log into my email account. On the other hand, we all really wanted to leave- I was hungry because we worked through lunch, and they were all bitter at the pop quiz I gave them and the grades on their lab reports I handed back today.

We worked it out and we finally all got to go home. We just used the digital dropbox in blackboard. Also, right after this whole mess, I signed up to attend a workshop thursday on how to use wiki's, because it seems to me (despite my extremely vague understanding of what a wiki is) that this would have been a good time to do so.

Meantime, can someone please explain to me why I did get three junk mails but not a single other piece of email for the past five days? Arrggghhhh.

It’s a different generation, Part One.

2008-10-21T21:29:00.001-04:00

I have the pleasure of working as a post-doc at the same university where I went to graduate school. I am in a different department and geographically distant enough from my old lab that I don't see it unless I make a point of walking over there (2 minutes away through a maze of hallways). However, some of the grad students in my lab are in the grad track which starts off, initially, as a dual-department program between my old and new departments. Thus, I am still privy to all the gossip and goings on of the current graduate students.

Recently, I have come to realize that either I am becoming an old fuddy dud, or the current grad students are completely Lacking in Perspective.

Now, when I was in grad school, the older grad students had a pretty good relationship with the professors. We always were quite proud of that- the difference between being a PhD student and being a med student was that you didn't have to be so darn formal with the Dr. so and so and Prof. this and that. (with a few exceptions- those venerable or extremely cranky older faculty who were always "Dr.") I often ate lunch with my PI, if we were making a coffee run and didn't ask him to come he'd complain, and we'd have potlucks and bake-offs in which he and several other faculty participated, or provided the prize money. It was a relaxed and casual atmosphere. On the other hand, we all worked hard and we were always aware of the fact that he was Faculty and we were Student, and that he was entitled to respect while we were still trying to earn some.

As students, we had our own hierarchy; I looked up to the older grad students, and looked to them for advice and guidance and for that all important Perspective. When the faculty were occasionally eccentric or erratic, we turned to the older grad students and said, respectfully, "WTF?" (Although, I don't think I knew that acronym back then, it being the dark old pre- text message age). And they would say "Chill. This will pass, just put your head down, get your work done, and don't worry about it. In the Grand Scheme these things are Not Important"

The problem now is that the older grad students- who started after I was gone and therefore didn't benefit from my wise and reverent perspective- never learned that sometimes you just have to Chill Out. And everything became a Big Deal.

To make matters worse, the younger grad students not only do not know how to Chill Out, they also do not understand how to put things in Perspective.

Recently, when one of the faculty was getting desperate in lecture because no one was participating, he started to behave a tad bit like a crazed man. Now, having taught (only a few) classes myself, I understand what it feels like to ask a question and look out at a sea of blank and vacant stares. I can understand the compulsion to beat on the desk with a stick, wave your arms around, and point to students and say "you there! Do you know what I am talking about? Do you? Do you?" Only, I have, so far, restrained myself, while this faculty member Did Not. On the one hand I am a little worried that he Finally Cracked, but on the other hand, I think it was probably quite entertaining (a notion that was confirmed by one of the TA's).

However. Some of the first year grad students and one of the TA's have decided that this behavior was Completely Inappropriate and Personally Insulting and Should Not Be Allowed, and this faculty should No Longer Be Allowed To Teach. And they have begun making moves to make it so.

I will allow you a moment go Gasp in Collective Horror.

Eccentric? Yes. Over the Top? Definitely. But how can a first year graduate student be so clueless as to how things work to believe that they can get this faculty member removed from teaching these classes because they think it should be so? To make matters worse, they are claiming that part of the problem is that "He doesn't know the topic." Never mind the fact that this topic happens to be his area of research!

Part of me wants to march over there and slap them all across the face a few times and say "What makes you feel so Important and Entitled? Get some Perspective, people! And learn this: here, as in life, when you become a whistle blower and trouble maker, you only hurt yourself- especially when you are making a mountain out of a molehill." But the other part of me wants to sit back and watch them crash and burn. It's a lesson they have to learn, sooner or later, and it would be better for everyone if it was sooner.

~~~to be continued~~~

These boots were NOT made for walking.

2008-10-20T20:35:00.004-04:00

Last night, I came downstairs after tucking my girls in, determined to work on some things for a while (important things like shopping for curtains and bath fixtures). My computer appeared to be in sleep mode, so I carried it in to the family room to watch Dexter with Greg while I (ahem) worked. But the computer wouldn't boot. I kept getting error messages, and it got stuck in a cycle of shutting down and failed booting up... over and over. Greg tried to remove the hard drive and battery, then reinsert them- apparently, the hard core equivalent of "unplugging it"- but no dice. I somehow managed to get into BIOS, but since I have no idea what that is, I decided not to fool around there.

So I gave up, and first thing this morning I marched over to the IT department at PUI.

The computer booted up with no problem.

So there I was with two hours to kill before class. I decided to walk over to the library and grade my papers. As I'm walking- in my very attractive high-heeled black boots- I think to myself "Hmm, maybe I should back up my files... just in case." Once I get to the library, I find a table, dump my large book bag, large handbag, jacket, and coffee (the most important thing) at a large table, and get settled for two hours of uninterrupted productivity. I search for and find my USB drive, resolving to back up those files first... right after I check my email, because I'm waiting for some important files.

Only, I can't connect to the network. I can detect it, but I can't connect. So I fiddle around for a few minutes, trying to figure out what the problem is. And then, the computer shuts down.

Once again, I get "HDD boot failure."

So I gather up all my crap and stomp over to IT again. I show the (actually rather cute- Adrian Grenier lookalike) work-study student the error message; and he just make a little "O" with his mouth. A "this is not a good thing, I think you are F U C-screwed" "O".

My hard drive bit the dust. It wasn't spinning at all, and they couldn't recover a single file.

However, they gave me a New and Bigger one, loaded with Windows Vista!

At that point, I needed to run to class, so I asked if I could configure it myself, and they said "Sure, no problem, just let it do its thing."

So I walk back to the lab. I try to start up the computer, but I haven't been registered as a user, I don't know the admin. password, and I don't see a "Switch User" option anywhere.

It figures. I really needed my computer for this lab. So I gave the pre lab lecture completely as a chalk talk- using the hard copy I had printed of my powerpoint slides as reference, and then I hooked one of the student laptops to the projector when necessary during the lab.

It was a long lab, a full three hours, with me on my feet walking around the whole time. After it was done, I wobbled back over to IT to get them to configure the computer so that I could log on. Thirty minutes later, I limped back to my car and came home.

I've had my feet up ever since. Damn boots. What was I thinking?

And now I am setting up my new computer. Damn computers. This is the second unrecoverable crash I've had in almost as many months. After the last one I resolved to buy a portable hard drive to back up all my data. I haven't yet. Now I am determined to go buy one... first chance I get. I guess the silver lining is that... in two months, I haven't accumulated many files to lose. On the other hand, I had a second chance, and when I was in the library I should have backed up all my files first.

Argh. Computers.

And my heart sang…

2008-10-17T22:38:00.001-04:00

Did you ever have one of those nights… grading papers? When they all- for various reasons- (lets be frank here…) suck? Either they don't get it, which means I have some reviewing to do, or they sort of do get it but they didn't follow the directions. So you are trying to restrain yourself as you make your comments so that you don't sound like a complete and total BEEYOTCH…

And then it happens…

The Perfect Paper.

I seriously almost kissed the paper. My heart sang. The clouds parted and the sun shone down (never mind that it was 10 pm).

OK, truly, it wasn't perfect because she didn't follow directions exactly. She included extra detail! Maybe that is kissing up a little but… it worked.

Then I went back to all of the other crappy papers and tried to look at them with a little more optimism, explaining my more cryptic comments more, trying to lighten them a bit and include more positive reinforcement. See? The whole class will benefit from the successful kissing up of one stellar student.

I'm just saying...

2008-10-14T22:45:00.003-04:00

How many times do you have to warn your students that blackboard will crash if you try to hit the back button on your browser or open a new window while taking an online quiz?

How many times do you have to warn your students that if they do not email reset requests before 8:00 pm, they most likely will not be accommodated?

How many times do you have to explain to your students that they don't get a second chance, and once class starts the quizzes are no longer available, will not be made available, and cannot be made up (good thing we drop the two lowest grades.)?

Grrrr.

It all comes crashing down.

2008-10-14T01:50:00.004-04:00

My high didn't last long. I mean, dreaming about a job is all well and good, but meantime, I have two that are real and require actual work. And oh boy, the work I have this week...

We are starting the first week of a three week lab in the class I am teaching; this week will be a lot of background material and very little actual lab work. And the background material has a lot to do with rates of change and the associated calculus.

When we had an organizational meeting last week, the Wise Professor who actually wrote this lab tells us "Your students will be intimidated by the math. Don't let them be." So I casually turn to the page with all the math... it is easy to find, what with the f(x)'s and such... and holy crap I AM INTIMIDATED.

Do you know how long it has been since I have taken a math class? Um, wait, it takes more then two hands to count, and if I can't use my fingers than it is beyond me.

So I've been googling rates of change. Right now I am on the high school calculus help page, relearning (which would be accurate if I'd ever really learned it in the first place) about derivatives and such. Do you know, Wikepedia has a definition of a derivative. It made perfect sense for the first few sentences, and then I scrolled down. What?

Maybe I'm just tired. I'll deal with it tomorrow. Class isn't until Thursday.

Meanwhile, anyone who can help me with this... think ELEMENTARY CALCULUS...(is that an oxymoron?)... please feel free to comment with a nice primer on what the f that f in f(x1)-f(x0) is.

Addendum:
OK OK, I got it.
y = f(x). f'(x), is the derivative of f(x)

And if m= delta y / delta x, then
for (x+h, f(x+h) :
delta y/ delta x = f(x+h) - f(x) / (x + h) - x = f(x+h) - f(x) / h

Duh.

Don't even get me started on tangent lines. I don't know how to type all that mathematical stuff in to blogger.

That didn't take very long...

2008-10-13T14:34:00.005-04:00

No, I haven't been rejected. Yet. But... my express fedex package containing my application packet didn't arrive as scheduled due to a Delivery Exception.

What was the exception you ask?

Oh. Just that it is Columbus Day and the BUSINESS WAS CLOSED.

So, although I am pretty sure I will not be penalized for the fact that they made their deadline a day with NO MAIL DELIVERY and, also, did not provide an email... I am frantically trying to get ahold of someone... anyone... to confirm the imminent arrival of my application first thing tomorrow. Also, two of my letters are being emailed in, which required that I find an email to have them sent to.

However, it turns out that my graduate PI has a connection. Actually, I had a connection, but I didn't know it, so my graduate PI had to make the connection known to me. So I have emailed this person, and am now waiting anxiously to hear back from them. The clock is ticking and I keep checking my email. Every time I see the mail icon in my shortcut bar, my heart leaps into my throat but so far, no dice.

AAAAAGGGHHH! I thought I was all set, and now this stress...

I'll just pat myself on the back, thank you.

2008-10-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

I'm not trying to beat a dead horse, but I'm still reeling from the recent advancement of my career from "eternal post-doc" to "faculty applicant".

OK, I haven't gotten hired yet. I haven't even gotten an interview yet. But somehow, the process of putting together the application made me realize that:
a. I really do want to do that.
b. I am ready to do that.
c. I am a pretty good candidate for that.

I am looking at myself in a whole new light. I feel new respect for myself.

Just wait until the rejections start rolling in.

Read in the blogosphere...

2008-10-12T11:35:00.002-04:00

When the comment is almost better then the original post:

"Meth?! I'm no chemist, but I had the impression that basically anyone can make meth. Shouldn't chemistry grad students be making trickier drugs like LSD, where their expertise will add more value to the product?"

A sharp turn to stay on course.

2008-10-11T22:40:00.004-04:00

I'm having trouble turning my brain off.

I've reached a milestone in my career. No, I haven't gotten hired or fired anywhere, made any amazing new discoveries or been awarded any great honors.

It's like, when you are driving down the road and you think you have miles before your next turn... and then just as you are about to pass it, you realize you need to make a rapid turn to the right. You make the turn and you head on down the next road, but your adrenaline is still pumping a little and you have that little high of part relief part excitement that you made it. But the thing is, you haven't actually arrived anywhere yet.

Well, that's me.

What I have done is send in my first application for a faculty position. I decided pretty close to the last minute to submit an application, mainly because I had just gotten settled in a path of family first, work second. So when I finally made the decision to go for it, it didn't leave me much time to get everything together.

Over the period of four days I gathered my letters of recommendation, updated my CV, wrote a research plan, and came up with a teaching statement. It sounds so simple when I write it like that, but anyone who has been through it knows... its not. At least, not for me. I mean, I had to summarize all my past and future research in 3 pages! And then come up with a teaching statement. What the heck is that?

But now, it is done. Juliette came with me to FedEx this morning, we got there at 11:30. Thirty minutes to spare before the final drop off for express shipping, so my packet can arrive monday morning.

Next time... if there is one... it will be a lot easier. In a weird way, I feel like my part is done, that's it, close the book and move on. The reality is that I really really hope to get called in to give a job talk... I'm already practicing in my head.

But it's almost 11:00 on a saturday, and really I just want to read my trashy "Anita Blake Vampire Hunter" novel and not think about anything intelligent.

(ah, the dichotomy. Tenure track faculty position on one hand, trashy vampire novel on the other. Hey, they are both about strong, career minded women.)

Fresh is right.

2008-10-02T13:10:00.001-04:00

I don't mean that in the good way.

These freshmen...

How many times can I sign my emails and communications as "Dr."? And yet I get the emails addressed to "Tina", "Mrs." and even once... "Hey". That last one was a real pleasure, seeing as it was actually forwarded to my supervisor (or whatever I'm supposed to call him). He saw his email before I saw mine, and he memo'd the entire department about not accepting that kind of attitude. So I got his memo, because it showed up first in my inbox (most recent emails first). Then I got the email from the student, and realized the memo was about me and my student. That was a good night, let me tell you. So then I emailed my supervisor and said... that was mine, wasn't it? And since we were in our respective houses emailing at the same time, he promptly replied "Yup." Plus a few other choice words about the student. I apologized, diffused the issue that was the reason for the email in the first place, namely my not responding promptly enough to the students query (by prompt I mean within two hours of him sending the email), and then we both went off to enjoy a glass of wine.

However, one does not want ones supervisor thinking that ones students are walking all over one, even if they aren't (up until that minute).

So I responded to the email- the original email, not the second rude one. Next class, the student was extremely polite, and generously 'volunteered' to help with a few extra lab duties. Lucky him.

Then when I had to file early warnings, I almost selected "No Resp for Instructor", which I took to mean that the student doesn't show any respect for the instructor. Then I realized it was "No Resp From Instructor" which I thinks means that there is no response from the instructor. Which is weird that it is even a choice, because the act of choosing that is itself a response, isn't it? Anyway. They should make Lack of respect an option.

Third times the charm?

2008-10-01T21:55:00.004-04:00

I know this is the second time in two semesters that I am teaching the same class. I thought it would get easier. And it has.. and hasn't.

On one hand, I am more familiar with the material. There are a lot more sections so there are more of us teaching the same thing, and the support is incomparable. So yes, it is easier.

On the other hand... I am realizing what a bad job I did last semester. I am realizing how much I missed. I am learning what I should have taught versus what I actually did teach. In fact, because I am teaching two sections, I am even changing my presentation from my monday to my thursday lab; and it is the thursday section that is performing better on homework and quizzes, which hopefully means that by the third time around... I'm getting it right.

So even though I thought I had all the hard work done, I am finding myself spending a great deal of time prepping for class... the right way (I hope!) this time.

Take two.

2008-09-02T11:07:00.001-04:00

The summer is over. Time to start thinking about a new school year.

The nice thing about the academic life is that you do get a summer break. Sure, I still had my other job to do, but the year doesn't pass in such a blur when it is nicely divided into quadrants... fall, winter break, spring, and summer.

We had our first organizational meeting at "RSU". Last semester I taught the repeat of the first semester bio lab, for people who had transferred in or failed the first time around- so it wasn't a large course. This is my first experience teaching the same section as, oh, 7 other people. It's all about this section, this year, and thus I have a lot of company and things- uh, I mean, I should be better prepared. There were several first time instructors at our meeting, and I felt like the wiser experienced one, having taught at all, and this course already. It is certainly nice not to have first-time jitters.

Then I got home and realized that oh, yeah, classes start next week. I have work to do! So I sat down with my upgraded laptop (courtesy RSU), and realized my battery was near dead. And that is when I discovered that the charger they gave me doesn't fit this computer.

Sigh. Maybe I overestimated our preparedness for this semester.

Re-evaluate.

2008-06-10T11:28:00.006-04:00

I just read through the evaluations from my first class- ever, and I have to say, they weren't so bad. Not great, not bad. For the most part, they were uninspiring. Then there were a few that I have to remind myself... the only people who actually write something usually have strong opinions, negative or positive. Of course, they weren't all negative...

for example:

Worst thing about the course:
The teacher!
(Ouch! That's harsh!)

Best thing about the course:
The teacher!

What did you like least about the instructor’s teaching?
There was no direction during the lab. We came in and just read through the lab manual and did the lab to the best of our ability.

What did you like most about the instructor’s teaching?
She did the labs with us if we had any trouble.

What did you like least about the instructor’s teaching?
She assigns a lot of homework and she teaches very little.

What did you like most about the instructor’s teaching?
Easy grading. Gave good feedback on assignments she gave back.

What did you like least about the instructor’s teaching?
She doesn't answer our questions.

What did you like most about the instructor’s teaching?
Very helpful and always there to answer questions.

Are you catching the drift, here? These evaluations are not very helpful. Also, it was a small enough class that I can almost figure out who said what. The comments about how I didn't explain the assignments probably came from the student who was extremely smart but lost major points because he never followed directions. The comment about how "everything was unclear and there was no direction and most of the time I didn't know what the assignments were or where to get them or how to do them or when they were due..." which was one long run on sentence was probably from the student who lost points because she wrote her formal lab report as one long run on paragraph which didn't have any punctuation and who would look at me with a blank vacant look whenever I tried to explain things to her. In my mind I can visualize her saying those things.

It is also interesting that I set aside class time for the students to fill out the evaluations; there were 14 kids in class that day... but only 12 evaluations were submitted. So... what happened to the other two?

And finally, there was only one 'additional comment':
She is a very nice person but very unclear with a lot of things that she wanted us to do for her lab. Sometimes she seemed like she didnt know what she was doing.

And that... I can't argue. See all my previous posts about the missing equipment; the labs that I was informed at the start of class would be delayed because reagents hadn't arrived yet... ;
discrepencies between the lab manual and the actual lab; and of course, my own idiocy when I couldn't seem to follow my own notes.

And yet, I've signed on to do it again. Two classes in the fall, and two in the spring. The coordinator promised me that next time it will be much better.
Damn tootin straight. No matter what the students say, I've learned a lot this year.

Tactful restraint.

2008-05-16T16:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Professor ----:

I am writing you this email in regards to a request. I recieved a B in Biology lab for this semester. I wanted to ask that that grade be changed to a B+. I feel this is a resonable request based on my progress and effort put forth in the class and also my perfect attendance. I am going to be applying to medical schools in the near future and a high GPA is a necessity for admission into med schools. The B+ would improve my average and be greatly appreciated. Thank you for considering this request and thank you for a great year.

John Doe

Hi John:
I appreciate that you will be applying to med school and are trying to maintain a good GPA; however, unfortunately, at this point I can not change the grade- the course is closed and the grades are finalized. That being said, I should also tell you that I already did grade on a curve; had I not, your grade would have been a B- (81.4%) instead of the B (84%) that I gave you. I have double checked my calculations and they are correct based on your scores. I have attached a copy of your worksheet which also includes the rubric for how I graded the formal lab report. Your score for the lab report was a 74 out of 100 and that was worth 40% of your grade. You will see that I graded you highly for concepts, but most of the points you lost were for leaving out important details ( in text citations, statistical analysis, important methods, or a paragraph summary of your results). Science is a precise subject; it is not subjective (at this level, anyway), and I really don't have much leeway in scoring. In the future I advise you to pay attention to the details.

I did enjoy having you in class, and I wish you luck in your future studies.

Dr. -----

What I did not write:
Next time you make such a request, you might want to spell check your email.
Oh, and you are a very nice guy and I know you tried- that is why you didn't get a lower grade on your lab report, which you probably deserved. But based on your performance in this introductory biology lab? I would suggest an alternative career. Because you are not going to get in to med school. I say this not to hurt you but to spare you the agony of rejection, and the waste of all that effort for a futile undertaking.
On the other hand, only a med student- or a salesman- would have the gall to request an upgrade, so at least you've got the right attitude.

Overheard.

2008-05-14T14:12:00.002-04:00

"I don't know. We're juggling science, technology, politics, and social relationships, and well, I... we'll just have to see."

Ah, as do we all, man, as do we all.

Peeking through to the other side.

2008-04-23T16:11:00.005-04:00

Ahh, the politics.

I am only a first semester adjunct; I teach one evening session of an introductory lab. Because it is in the evening, I never have the opportunity to interact with other faculty. The office is always dark and closed, and the few times I've had to contact another faculty member with a question during lab I've usually interrupted their dinner. So I'm getting some teaching experience without the supporting collegial relationships. In other words, I haven't had to deal with the bs.

Except by email. I get all the emails, but really they haven't been numerous... until today.
This morning we all received an email with details on the policy for dealing with a certain kind of special needs situation. There was an objection to one small point which was, actually, at the core, a quite reasonable objection, and everyone really does seem to agree on the fundamental issue.

What has been interesting is reading the way in which people write their opinions. All pc... or, not at all pc but being careful to point out that they are not being pc. All the "with all due respect to your hard work and all the effort you put into..." and the "... I don't want to make light of your efforts..." and the "... of course we want to give handicapped (I am not using politically correct language here!) students every opportunity..." . Also the "... I think we need to have clear policies..." and "... perhaps we need our legal team to explain what is required and a psychology team to explain what is needed..." and "... this should be discussed in the faculty forum..." and even the clearly frustrated "... I've been trying to have a faculty forum about this for several months now and I hope we can finally all agree that this is an important issue worth our time..." Phew. It is exhausting! And educational. I wonder about the faces behind the names. I form images in my mind based on their title and signatures; some have quotes below their name and those often throw me off, usually not being the kind of thing I expect from the person I've invented in my head.

I feel a little bit like a spy as I read all these emails; I have been functioning so much on the outskirts and these emails have provided me with little glimpses behind the door. It just makes me realize how isolated I've been and how different things would be if I were full time, day time. It makes me realize that their are advantages to being in my position. It also makes me realize that I really want to be on the inside, to be a person whose voice really counted.

Someday.

An interesting age group.

2008-04-14T07:19:00.002-04:00

A few months ago I had volunteered to be a judge at our state science fair. I was assigned the seventh and eighth graders. It being my first time, I signed up for Day 1: Preliminary Judging. That meant there were no kids.

I enjoyed the experience so much that I decided that I'll do it again next year, and that if other similar opportunities arose I would volunteer again. This is how I spent this past Friday morning helping seventh graders make DNA necklaces, instead of working on my upcoming research in progress talk, grading the homework, or catching up with the work that piled up while I was out sick for three days.

Truthfully, I woke up in the morning grumpy about needing to spend my time on such an activity when I had so much work to do; but by the end of the morning I was happy to have done it.

It was well organized- more so then I had imagined, so that made me happy. As a new teacher, I watched the presentation and had ideas of my own how things might have been done better (that is me, turning into a know-it-all!). What was most intersting about this volunteer experience was, of course, the interactions with the kids.

They all walked in with an air of disinterested tolerance; none of them wanted to show that they were actually interested in the project. By the time they left, 45 minutes later, glass charms filled with their own DNA tied around their necks, they were all- grudgingly- smiling about it. I even heard a few exclaim "This is cool!".

I did enjoy the experience... but boy, I'm glad I am not their teacher!

What do you do when you know it is coming, but you don't want it to be so?

2008-04-10T19:52:00.007-04:00

I just came back from a quick drive to RSU to retrieve some homework assignments that need to be graded by Monday. Normally the students hand them in to me during class but this week I did not see them.

Why did I not see them? I was faced with a real dilemma this past Monday. I had taken the day off to take care of my sick girls, both suffering from a stomach bug. Mid afternoon I noticed a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Nah, it's nothing. "I thought. "I'll be fine. Class is tonight, I'm ready to go, it will be a good lab." Three hours later at about the time I should have been jumping into the shower getting ready to to, I was instead hunched over the toilet trying not to throw up and trying to psych myself into being well enough to drive to class.

Mind over matter... mind over matter... uh, not.

The dilemma was... I hadn't actually thrown up yet. But every time I moved I felt a horrible roiling writhing pit of unease in my lower gut, and I knew that it was just a matter of time. So I called the coordinator to tell them that I was extremely sick. His response: "So, what you are telling me is that you are not coming?" I was feeling horribly guilty about this as it was. But, seeing as the smallest movement on my part inspired a huge need to vomit, cancelling class seemed the only option.

So I emailed the class and had them hand in their homework to my mailbox. At just about the time I would have been standing up in front of the class reviewing the days complicated lab exercise, the feeling turned into a reality. I spent most of the night within steps of the toilet. It wasn't pleasant, but it made me feel a little bit better about canceling class.

Today I went to retrieve the homework. Wimp that I am, I went when the office was closed so that I wouldn't have to bump into anyone.

Man, I hope they don't fire me.

Career, interrupted.

2008-04-01T10:54:00.002-04:00

I just received notification that my grant application hasn’t been funded. I am getting used to rejection, and I somewhat expected it. It isn’t the rejection that is upsetting me so much as the reasons why. The reviewers were pretty positive; there were a few minor issues with the proposed research, but they thought that I had come up with a good collaborative project that would establish me as a leader in the field. They praised my PI, they praised the fact that I had reached out to other members of our university, they praised the potential impact of the research. Blah blah blah. The major concern they had was that, although I was very productive in my previous research career I had not, as of yet, published a paper as a post-doc, and that my non-productivity might be a warning flag as to the feasibility of my actually completing the proposed research.

Unproductive? Let me ask you this… where, on my CV, can I put that I got pregnant and gave birth… twice?

The powers that be in the scientific community have recently incorporated a ‘time-out’ waiver into the climb up the faculty ladder, so that women who have had children will not get penalized for a seeming ‘lack of productivity’.

This is good. Except… that means you have to wait until you actually have secured a faculty position to have children. Only… most every female I know doesn’t want to wait that long… and they don’t. They start having children as a postdoc, as I did. So where is my ‘time-out’?

Maybe the lesson here is that I made the wrong choice. I shouldn’t have tried to do it all. I should have stopped working for a while. I didn’t, thinking that it would be the wiser move to keep going, even if at a crawl instead of at a run. Only, now everyone else is approaching the finish line while I am still at the starting gate. Can I ever catch up?

When is enough enough?

2008-03-27T21:56:00.005-04:00

I went touring a new day care center for my 3 year old yesterday, and I was happy to see that they have- in addition to the play area, the art area, the block area, the reading area, and the sensory table area- a science area. Yep, a whole area (read: table and bookshelf) devoted to science. Start em young!

Wait. Do I want my daughters to follow in my footsteps?

The sad answer to that question is... no. Unless they really really really insist. It is a tough profession, especially for women. I was sitting at a seminar two days ago in which the only female that made the cut in the search for a new faculty member was presenting her work. I sat in the back, so as to leave the front and center open for the old boys network - I mean- current faculty. Yes, those chairs were all filled with ... men. No, wait, I apologize; In the interests of full disclosure, I should tell you that there was one female. I'd never seen her before, but apparently there is a female faculty. They kept interrupting the candidate with questions- a normal occurance in this sort of situation. But what is not normal is that twice when they stopped her to ask a question, one of the other faculty would answer it, and then they all went off on a discussion amongst themselves while she stood at the front of the room perplexed and desperately trying to get a grasp of the situation. She seemed quite intelligent, her research is very good, she has papers in top notch journals (Science, Cancer Cell). They had invited her to come. And then they barely gave her a chance to speak.

This didn't happen with the men. She seemed equally competent, but the faculty didn't seem interested.

I sat in the back, and I realized that if I really wanted the job I wouldn't let that bother me. But I also decided that I could never have that job, when, 15 minutes later I snapped out of a glassy eyed daze just in time to hear the conclusions, and I realized that I have a hard enough time staying alert during these things, forget about asking intelligent questions of the speaker.

Then one of the professors made a completely inappropriate 'joke' and I began to wonder... why would I want to work with these people?

So here I sit, tucking my daughter into bed, and asking myself: why do I need daycare, why do a sacrifice my time that I could be spending with my young girls in pursuit of an academic research career that I am becoming increasingly more convinced that I will not enjoy? I've invested so much time in this career path... I can't quit now. Can I?

It is the eternal dilemma.

The toughest critic.

2008-03-24T13:33:00.004-04:00

My paper finally got accepted. It was the fourth journal and the third revision... but it is done. It just goes to show... perseverance pays.

Friday I faxed in the proofs. Any day now it will show up on pubmed. It is my eleventh paper, third as first author, and first as corresponding author. It is the first one that I really did write... I've written others but after handing my draft in to my PI and making all the 'suggested' changes it was barely recognizable as my own. Not so with this paper. In fact, I'd been working on it for so long that I'd forgotten what I'd written. After reading it again for the proofs, I thought "Damn, I wrote a good paper!".

It is a bit disturbing that two years worth of work got condensed into 6 pages and three figures.

And then my two year old got her hands on the first page of my proof... and drew all over it. It looks not at all unlike those aforementioned first drafts, only she was an even more harsh critic, leaving little to recognize on the page. Now, when I read it, I really smile... because the blue scribbles make me think of something even better then work. I think I'll frame it.

Speaking of Communication...

2008-03-13T13:01:00.001-04:00

I have a graduate student working with me these 12 weeks. It is an unusual situation; she is actually only volunteering here while visiting her husband, a fellow in one of the clinical departments. They are from India, and he moved to the States one week after they were married; she has come out to visit but needs to go back for one more year of her graduate studies.

Things are going well. She has good hands, which means that she gets good clean results. She is meticulous, which means she moves slowly. Sometimes a little too slowly… but, she is volunteering her time with me after all, so I can’t complain. Occasionally, I wish I could just do the work myself; but I know when she is gone I will wish I had her back.

We have one little problem, however. It is a communication issue. For the first few weeks I thought perhaps I wasn’t communicating effectively; but that has never been a weakness of mine. However, I made an effort to slow down, and wrote as I spoke so she could see and hear my instructions… and then have them written for her reference. I made a point of telling her why we need to do a certain experiment, what I was hoping the result will be, and the detailed protocol on how to do it. Even so, I found that there was still an issue. It was quite frustrating.

Yesterday, however, I realized what the problem was.

She thinks I’m an idiot.

She is constantly questioning me… but not in a positive, inquisitive, manner. She is second guessing me, my motives, and my methods.

And she smiles so politely as she does it.

It is quite irritating, really.

Well, there is nothing to be done about it. I know I am not an idiot. My resume speaks to that. I’ll just have to keep on explaining myself… maybe eventually the results will prove that I do know what I’m talking about. Of course, this being science, there is a greater likelihood that the experiments won’t work.

I’ll just have to look at it as one of those challenges; I’m sure, if I continue to teach, I’ll always have that student who thinks they are smarter and better. And some of them will be… but that doesn’t mean they don’t have more to learn.

Everyone is a winner in my book.

2008-03-12T15:35:00.005-04:00

Today, I judged the state science fair. It is the first time I've ever done this, and having never participated in a science fair myself I wasn't sure what to expect. This was the preliminary judging; none of the kids were present, and all we had to do was divide the projects into 1st, 2nd, and 3rd tier.

There were definitely some top quality science projects; there were definitely some less well executed ones. Still... I had a hard time putting anyone in the 3rd tier; I think it is great that these kids made any effort and wanted to reward them all. However, I guess being able to say "I got 3rd honors" is better then not being able to say anything at all...

After we had finished judging our category I walked around to look at the older kids' projects, and all I can say is.... wow! Oh, and, your parents must be in science, because the average person does not have access to a biosafety cabinet, UVA and UVB illuminators, luminometers, electrophoresis equipment, agar plates, ten different antibiotics, dialysis tubing, or pH meters. Still, it was obvious that these kids did the work themselves, and all in all I was quite impressed. When one of my co-judges asked if it made me despair over the state of science education in our state, I could honestly say that it had the opposite affect on me. These kids had good ideas, they put forth a good effort, and they really had a good grasp of the process.

I only wish we could give them more feedback. Things I would say to them would be:

to arrange their posters more logically; the hypothesis comes first and the references come last, and everything in between should NOT be printed in squiggly fonts on pretty pink paper and glued on at angles or in designs.
to remember that a hypothesis can only be proven untrue, but can never be proven true. It is the scientific version of 'beyond a reasonable doubt', only more concrete then the legal version.
to include their data, or when they do include data to be sure to label the axis!
to understand all the variables the their potential impact on outcome.

All of them deserve an explanation as to why their projects scored a certain way; otherwise, how can they learn from the experience?

Next year, I'll volunteer to judge on the day the kids are there. Then, not only will I get to walk around with my "Judge" badge pinned to my puffed-up-with-self-importance chest, but I will also get to give them that feedback and meet them first hand... so that I can congratulate them myself.

Communication correlates with success.

2008-03-11T17:15:00.003-04:00

It’s been a while since I posted because last week was spring break. Instead of taking the extra time to prepare for upcoming labs, write the next quiz, or grade the large pile of homework- and the mini lab reports- instead of being responsible and prepared, I let my book bag collect dust for two weeks.

That is not entirely true. I did carry it with me a lot. I just never opened it.

Last Monday, realizing that it was spring break, I took my book bag with the intention of spending the entire three hours working on class stuff; that lasted 30 minutes.

I needed the break.

Yesterday I went in early to meet with the coordinator; he was showing me how to use the gas analyzer. He showed me the gas analyzer; asked how things were going. Then he casually mentioned that the class hadn’t studied cellular respiration before and that I should give a good review about it to start. He highlighted the key concepts that he thought I should go over, and then left me to prepare. So I ran over to the cafeteria for a quick bite. Note to self, do not get tuna salad here anymore. As I sat there surrounded by bubbly college students, I was pleased. I thought, as I ate, how much better it is when you get a little guidance. I still had a little bit of preparation to do, but I felt confident in knowing exactly what was expected of me, and exactly what was expected of this week’s lab.

It was a nice feeling, for a change!

The number one thing you don't want to hear your students say to you after your lecture.

2008-02-26T13:51:00.002-05:00

I had my detailed notes in my hand. I was trying to clarify a confusing concept, and had decided that a good old fashioned chalk talk was the only way to do it.

But then I got confused. I thought I had things backward, so I switched them. That didn’t look right, so I switched them again. And again.

Finally, the students shouted out the correct answer.

That’s one way to teach them, I guess.

BTW, my notes were correct.

After that, they were more confused. One student even told me “I thought I understood before I got here but now I don’t get it.”

Oh yeah. I loved to hear that.

I decided that next time, I'll practice on my daughter's art board- just to get used to standing in front of a crowd and writing on a board. The girls should love that.

A worthy cause.

2008-02-13T12:54:00.004-05:00

I'm not one to discuss politics, but this is one issue I think worth mentioning.

All we hear about lately is the primaries, the economy, the war...
How about turning the conversation to something meaningful, educational, and informative? Join the growing list of people.... including myself... who would like to see the candidates talk about scientific issues, including the Environment, Health and Medicine, and Science and Technology Policy.

Click on the link below to read more, and become a signatory to the "Call for a Presidential Debate on Science & Technology"

http://www.sciencedebate2008.com/

I know all the answers, so why am I so nervous?

2008-02-11T18:38:00.000-05:00

On the scale of tough exams, this one falls very low. Compared with a final, piece of cake. Compared with a qualifying exam, piece of cake. Compared with a PhD dissertation defense... a crumb off of a very large piece of cake.

As I type this my class is taking their first in-lab quiz. I wrote it. I know all the answers. So why am I so nervous?

It is because it is my first quiz, the first that I've ever written, the first that I've ever distributed, the first that ever counts towards someone's actual grade.

And the whole reality comes slamming down on me. Sshhhhaaaa-BAM. I am teaching an actual college class. I have to give out grades. These grades will go on their transcripts. Forever.

My only consolation is that I don't remember my bio 100 lab. So maybe years from now they won't either. Hopefully they'll get a good foundation for their future. I'd like to think they'll remember me but... the lesson for today is don't need to sweat the small stuff.

So that's what a rubric is for.

2008-02-11T16:35:00.000-05:00

I have finally recovered from grading my first homework assignment.

I started out by naively assuming that it would be a piece of cake. It was a very simple assignment, the class could practically cut and paste the information off the web, cross check with the extremely detailed instructions, and hand it in for a perfect score.

First, 20% of the class didn't even bother to hand it in.
Another 60% of the class apparently needed even more detailed instructions.
15% of the class sought to impress me by handing in a bigger and better assignment... only half of them didn't do it the right way and the rest... well, instead of impressing me it just made me have to look over more pages... and left me wishing they would just follow the directions.

The first time I went through and reviewed them all I finished up and I had a big black cloud over my head. If I had graded things then, everyone would have failed.

Instead, I took two days, then came up with a rubric for how to grade the assignments. I am quite proud of that, because until two days ago I didn't even know what a rubric was. Anyway, that helped keep me fair and balanced, and at the end of the day they didn't all do as badly as I originally perceived (because I was nice).

However, after a review this week, they are going to get either a pop-quiz or a repeat homework assignment next week. That'll teach em.

I hope.

Day 2: Trial by Fire

2008-02-04T22:45:00.002-05:00

It turns out that my mini-lecture at the beginning of lab was the least stressful part of the whole class.

I was so prepared today. I read the protocols in detail. I had my presentation all set to go. I viewed all the online tutorials on how to use the spectometer and associated software. I'm feeling prepared.

Then I get to lab, and I walk around, looking for the spec, wanting to connect and try it out before the class arrives, to make sure all is set.

Only I can't find a spectrometer. Anywhere.

Also, the installation discs for the software that the students need to run the spec and do today's lab? Nowhere to be found.

A couple of the students are there, having arrived extremely early, and they are familiar with spectrometer's from chem lab; so they start looking too; we look throuh all the cabinets, on all the shelves, under all the benches, but we definitely don't see one. I find one in the back lab, the research lab, but I'm very certain that isn't the one we are supposed to use. It's not portable, and it doesn't require the software and program file that we all have to install, and it's a really nice one whose owner would probably not appreciate it being appropriated for use by 16 clumsy and inexperienced undergraduates.

I ended up calling the coordinator. It turns out that the spec is a tiny thing wrapped in bubble wrap sitting on the bench... but it isn't the one described in the lab manual or online tutorial. And the software is in a lab down the hall, locked in a drawer in the far corner of the room. Where I would have never in a million years found it. This makes me feel better; it isn't unpreparedness so much as it is inappropriate preparedness.

Phew. I don't have time to test anything out, but it is a relief to get rolling. I give my little presentation, and I give them the Perspective talk. I can't tell if they think it is interesting or if they think it is boring. It ends up taking only a few minutes, and I feel good about it, so if I ever teach this class again I'll probably re-use it. Then we get to this week's assignment.

Everyone installs the software without major problems. We figure out how to hook up the spec and how to calibrate it. Then they get started with preparing the samples. People are looking for the potato extract that they need for their experiment. Only it turns out that the "extract" they left for me was... a big honkin Idaho potato. Just sitting right there on the bench. I look around and see a blender. OK, I figured, we'll just puree it with some water. That results in a nice chunky suspension of pureed potato. Chunky potato puree equals not potato extract. Puree's don't work in a spectrometer.

The coordinator just happens to call at that moment to check up on me and I joke about this potato puree. He mentions, "Oh, yeah, don't forget to strain that."

I see the cheesecloth sitting on the bench behind the microscope. Doh. Of course! That's what it is for! I pour the puree through, and end up with a brownish liquid, which looks exactly like the potato extract is described in the text. Success!

This is not the way to inspire confidence in your students that you know what you are doing.

However, at the end of it all, we got it done. And I figure if I can get through that SNAFU, then I can get through anything.

How much is too much?

2008-02-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

Our second lab is a bit more complicated then the first; at least, the concepts are, if not the actual experimental protocol. I've spent a little bit of time pulling out my old college textbooks and reviewing enzyme catalysis; I'm sure glad I saved all of those! Now I am trying to prepare for class.

Last time I realized I didn't give enough of an introduction. I don't want to make that mistake twice. But, I also want to make things interesting and I feel that I could put some perspective onto the enzymes lab by using the basics of my own research as an example.

My question is this: is that a good idea? My sister, the elementary school teacher, tells me that real world perspective is always a good thing. I'm just not sure if I should use my own research as an example, even though it fits.

My plan, as of now, is to first Review last weeks lab and put in the context of their homework assignment, which was to read the section on experimental design. Then we'll start on the enzymes section; I'll give them a little Background, give them the Perspective, and then go over the Protocol for today. The protocol will be outlined as in the experimental design chapter. Then, to make sure cool jock in the front doesn't try to skip out early, I'm requiring them to present me with a draft of their protocols for next week's lab, the designing of which is part of this weeks in-lab assignment.

See, how nicely it all ties in together? See that I'm learning how to get them to all do their work? Yup. I'm patting myself on the back right now.

My only worry is that this is too much stuff to go over. Last week was too little; I don't want to move in the opposite direction.

Well, I'll never know until I try. And I can always modify as I go along.

The anticipation is always the worst...

2008-01-29T15:59:00.000-05:00

Well! I had my first class last night, and all things considered I think it went pretty well. I went by to observe the early afternoon section, just to get a feel for how to kick things off with the right tone. It made me feel a lot better. However, as I was standing in the back of the lab, I noticed that quite a few of the students were surfing the web- bidding on ebay auctions, downloading iTunes music, and what have you. This made me wonder: How do I prevent that from happening in my own lab section?

I gave a brief introduction then let the librarian give her 30 minute lesson; after she was finished, I continued on with the lab. First order of business: Introduce myself; then, go over safety; skim through the syllabus; and finally get down to the experiment of the day. I asked them if they wanted me to go over the details of the lab or if they'd rather just get to it. I was met with thunderous silence and 16 blank stares, so I decided to let them just get to work.

Big mistake. Any experienced educators out there are probably laughing at my naivete right now.

Lesson #1: No matter how many times you tell them to do it, most of them will not read the experimental protocol in advance. To save yourself the trouble later, go over it with them now.

I often had to check my notes; it was the most basic questions that were hardest to answer. Sometimes, it was hard enough just to figure out what they were asking me. They'd point to a test tube and say "Why is this/ isn't this blue/brown/clear?" At which point I'd have to figure out what "this" was.

Lesson #2: Know the protocol, so when they ask how to do something I can give them the textbook answer. (Not that my answers were wrong- they just weren't the way it was written in the book).

To make sure they were focused, I just kept circulating around. I spent some time trying to learn their names. I earned a nickname, my one syllable last name getting shortened down to a single letter... but that's cool. Cool athlete in the front row thinks he is buttering me up, but I noticed that he skipped out without finishing the last part of the experiment, telling me "I can assume that the results will be XYZ". Next week, we'll start of the class by reviewing how often the results came out the expected way (0%) and how often it was more ambiguous (100%). It's amazing how quickly you can get a feel for the potential of each student.

Lesson #3: Eat dinner before class starts so you don't get a pounding headache halfway through.

We got through it, for the most part. They are new in lab... and I mean brand new. I had forgotten that. And I am in new at teaching. So we are all learning together.

Training.

2008-01-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

The Fundamentals of Teaching, as I've learned so far.
1. Get to know your students, where they are coming from and what their motivations are.
2. Structure your sections/ classes. Have a Beginning, Middle, and End.
3. Teach to all the different learning styles.

That's it, folks.

I showed my sister, an elementary school teacher, the 30 page booklet I got at my most recent "Fundamentals of Teaching" workshop. That, sad to say, is the most official training document I've gotten. She laughed; she went to school for four years and then got a masters degree before she was put in charge of her own class. She tried to make me feel better about my lack of experience, but the only thing that will make me feel better about it is... experience.

Granted, undergraduate science and elementary education are very different.

The students are bigger.

I've been told not to discount all the years I've had as a student, and all the mentoring I've done in the lab, and all the presentations and seminars I've given over the years. Those count as training, apparently.

I'm just glad that the first class I teach is a lab. If I can get through the first day, the rest should be- well- should be cake.

But that first day... it's a week away and I'm already having anxiety about it!

Coming Home.

2008-01-16T22:07:00.000-05:00

I had my first meeting at "RSU"*. It was an informational meeting followed by a welcome reception.

I went to the meeting hoping to get some guidance as to what and how I was teaching. I got my laptop, and the necessary software. I got an ID and a parking permit. I learned that many of my repeaters were forced to do so because of their decision to copy someone else's lab report instead of writing their own.

I learned that there is sophisticated new software for measuring plagiarism. I learned how to use it.

I met the numerous other adjuncts and the few full time faculty.

I drank some nice wine and ate some nice cheese and cold pizza.

I was reassured that I have the necessary skills.

I was told to have the students call me "Dr". It's nice when I can use that deserved but underutilized title.

And then I went home.

And then I realized that I still had a hundred and one questions to ask.

But one question that I don't have anymore was "how would I feel being back in this sort of environment? In a smaller school, with only a few faculty, where the focus really was on the students? In other words, a PUI- primarily undergraduate institution?"

The answer is.... right at home.

Man. I forgot, until now, that when I envisioned myself teaching it was at a place like this. Research is great, and I love being in a world class, top notch institution, surrounded by brilliant minds carrying out cutting edge work.

But it just isn't home.

My hubby reminded me that I havn't actually taught a class yet.

Oh, yeah. Hopefully I'm not romanticizing teaching. Hopefully I like it as much as I've convinced myself I will.

*Raising Scientists University

Prologue, Part III

2008-01-15T12:46:00.000-05:00

Now I'm getting ready to start my new job. I'm going to be a teacher!

Can I do it? I think so. Will I like it? I hope so. Will this give me the much needed kick to get my career out of the dumps? I really really hope so!

Join me as I try to figure it all out.

And repeat after me: I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And gosh darn it, the students will like me. Oh, and hey, maybe they'll learn something too.

Prologue, Part II

2008-01-14T22:01:00.000-05:00

So here I am approaching the fifth year of my post doc, which means technically I will no longer be a post-doc. Instead I will graduate to some sort of research faculty position; not really faculty but not really post doc. It is a point I never thought I'd reach.

I've had several discussions with my boss about my future career goals. My research of late hasn't been that inspiring; grant writing is a tedious and nonrewarding process; I'm searching for a path that will be more fufilling. I mentioned to him that I want to teach; I mentioned that maybe I want to write. He thinks I would be good at both those things, but how to pursue them as a bona fide career choice?

In the meantime I start attending some workshops here at work about Teaching Science, working at Primarily Undergraduate Institutions, and writing Science. But the problem is.... I havn't actually taught anything. I havn't actually written anything.... outside of my blog and my research publications. It is a bit depressing, actually; it is the age old conundrum: how does one get experience when one needs to have experience first?

Anyway, because of all these miscellaneous panels and workshops I've attended, I somehow get put onto an internal email list. One Thursday afternoon in late November I am sitting at my computer when I get a new message. One of the people who is coming to campus in December to host a discussion on teaching at a PUI forwarded a flyer from the Chair of her department. They are looking for Adjunct faculty to teach biology labs, starting this spring. They are advertising this as a good way to get experience.

I immediately type up an e-mail and forward it, along with my CV, to the chair.

Five minutes later she calls my cell phone.

The following Monday I drive up to meet her. We chit chat for 30 seconds. It turns out I never attached my CV to the email, so she asks if I have one. I do, so I give it to her; she glances at it. Then she hands me the syllabus, the course textbook, and the lab manual. She tells me that my section will be on Monday nights. "Are you interested?" She asks.

And just like that, I am hired.

Prologue, part 1.

2008-01-12T17:18:00.000-05:00

I originally intended to use this blog to talk about all the ways I was trying to raise my daughters to be critical thinkers. However, recent developments in my career path have opened up a whole new door for me, which means I have new uses for this blog, which has been dormant for a year and a half. Let me explain:

I went to a small liberal arts college where I majored in biology. I enjoyed that environment immensely; the classes were small in size, the teachers knew all their students- as intimidating as that can be- and yet the professors still were able to carry on top notch research.

For a little while- because every other biology major was doing it- I decided to be pre-med. A few of my friends decided to go on to graduate school, instead, and that seemed like an even more abstract goal- after all, there were pre-med advisors but not pre-grad school advisers (or so I thought). So after graduation I took some time to work for a living, doing research, exploring my options.

Eventually I went back to school, to earn a PhD. I felt that my years of experience in the real world had better prepared me for my career choices. Again, because that was where everone was telling me to go, I thought to pursue a career in academic research. A few of my friends decided to go on in other directions- but those "alternative" careers seemed like an even more abstract goal- after all, my mentors all seemed to quietly look down upon these alternatives. So after graduation I decided to take some time to work in a generic post-doc position and keep all my options open.

If someone, all those years ago, had only told me what those options were, it would have saved me a lot of time.

2006-08-16T13:42:00.000-04:00

This blog is still under construction. In the meantime please visit me at Raising Mommy.